Help! What to do about friend's teenaged pervert son

absolutely report it---to the, police, CPS and childline it too--- You really need to do this--- before he really does coerce someone into doing this---if he hasn't already

Thanks for the input. You guys always give such sound advice. I will report it tomorrow, when my son is at school and out of earshot. I think the teenager could be victimizing the sister as she is shy and withdrawn, scared of everything. And I can see his mother is afraid of him. So thanks for the advice to skip talking to the mother. She would have said "Oh, the little rascal," or something similar. I am sick over this. You guys are right - every time the sister has a friend over there could be another victim.

Call the CPS hotline. Parents are failing to protect their daughter, and their son desperately needs treatment, which they are also neglecting to provide.

AMEN! BTDT and lived to tell the tale. Do something for any other child who's at risk of being molested by this kid. This is probably, most very likely NOT a one time incident with a kid (maybe first time with your son, but not for this kid to coerce in order to try to gratify himself). This 14yr old needs to be away from other kids-and fast. Sincerely, Linny

I called Child protective services and the woman said they will go out to the house within 24 hours. But now I am freaked because they are going to have to quote the incident exactly as it happened. CPS won't name my kid, but the family will know who it is. Ugh. She said they can't just go out there and say something vague. I am so scared. Both of my sisters were stalked, and I am afraid the kid's father will stalk us.

You did the right thing and you're teaching your son a very valuable lesson. Your son was brave to tell you. Use this opportunity to talk about what he should do if this situation ever arises again. What if your DH had not come at the right time? What would you have wanted him to do? (E.g. tell an adult, leave the room and ask to use the phone, in extreme situation...leave the house and go to a neighbor.)

It was the right thing. I just have visions of them making up some accusations of child abuse against us, for retaliation.

The good news is that the fact that you reported it will be seen as motive in the event that they do make a report, so it may be screened out or eliminated on that fact alone.

I had a friend who reported something similar. The father asked if it was her since the incident was clearly one that happened to her child. She just told him it could have been anybody her young child talked to that called. If your child told his teacher or any mandated reporter, they would have to report it.

NDN is right. They will know it's vengeful. They aren't going to waste time on frivolous reports. Also, if you feel you might be in danger, don't worry. Do something. Get a protective order. Go to your courthouse. They will grant you a temporary restraining order and set a hearing date. This will give you immediate protection. The cops will drop a copy off at that house and tell them that if they contact you, visit you, call you, etc, they will be arrested. That's usually all it takes. At the hearing, tell the judge what happened to you son and how you are intimidated by the father. Tell the judge you want an order of protection for your entire family from their entire family. Judges err on the side of caution. They are reluctant to deny an order of protection because if something happens, it comes back to bite them. You don't have to wait until you are assaulted or in extreme danger before requesting help. Go get the order of protection. They'll know you were the one who complained. So what. They know. You have to protect yourself from them.

Thanks for the support everyone. CPS went over to the house within a few hours. That I know because the wife left a message on my cellphone, crying. I spoke to the caseworker beforehand and she was very helpful. She also advised me to file a report with the police, which I will do tonight. And I will take the additional steps that you advised, Kat-L and get a restraining order in place. I feel better being prepared for the worst rather than sitting here in fear.

NJRach, you did the right thing. I am so proud of you. I am so happy that you reported this incident right away! Who knows who else was victimized or would have been victimized in future by this boy. The members' advice on this thread was invaluable. You have my full support, and I wish you all the best. Keep us posted.

Here's a follow-up. It's not good news. Don't ever go to CPS. I called the caseworker today to see if they went over. She did visit the family, within six hours of my call to the hotline. She told told me the WEAPONS SEARCH of the house yielded nothing. I asked why they did a weapons search? Because, she replied, I had said the Dad had guns. I said I only reported that I was afraid to file the report because the Dad scares me. The caseworker (when I first filed the report)pressed me as to why I was in fear of filing, and I said people get shot for things like this. So I guess it was noted that there were weapons in the house. I asked what if he was into guns as a hobby? I don't want the dad arrested for unlocked guns when that is not at all what this is about. I asked what about the kids, what did they say of the incident? She said it was confidential. But she proceeded to tell me that she read the mother my entire report. I asked what all she read? She had in her report EVERY THING I told the hotline, everything. Like the behaviors earlier, how I was afraid of the Dad, how the sister has friends sleep over and that I was afraid for the sister and her friends. Why would they say all that to them? Especially that the dad seems to have a dark side and that he scares me? Why??? Then she said both the kids gave a different version of what my son reported. Then she said MY son could have made it up. Why didn't I check with him again, she advised. Because from what the kids said this couldn't possibly have happened. Does my son actually know the consequences of making things up, she asked. After school I asked my son again, and he again explained it all again, exactly as the past other two times. Also when I went to file a report at the police department, one of the officers suggested the teen could have been scratching himself, because, you know, teens do that all the time. Maybe my son misconstrued it. The teen was probably just walking around with his hands down his pants. I am sick over all of this. I really regret calling CPS at all. Now they are going to continue the witch hunt and question neighbors, friends, family and teachers. If it prevents one kid from getting abused in the future, I'll be glad. But right now, I am regretting calling them at all. Confidentiality? Yeah, right. They read the date, location, time of the event and every single thing I said. Sorry to ramble. I am so disgusted I want to leave town.

I'm horrified by the experience you're having. Confidentiality doesn't exist in your neck of the woods. Maybe this is the eye opener that the parents needed. They know it was you. They know what you said. There are no secrets now. If you got the restraining order, they also know you are serious about the danger they present. At the hearing for the restraining order (which would be held within a few weeks), you can tell the judge what happened, have your son tell the judge, that way there will be a court record of the incident. It will help future victims if there is a clear history that can be proven in court. I would be disgusted, too. Even if they don't remove the kids, the parents understand how serious the behavior of the 14 year old has become. Maybe they'll get him help. If he DOES hurt someone again, they can't claim ignorance like they did with your son.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is a breach of confidentiality and ethics on so many levels. I also hope the family will take this as a wake up call. As much as you are disgusted and want to leave town, imagine being on the other side of this...being told that your child did this. I hope that they are shocked into action, and too mortified to confront you. I have a friend who filed a police report when something inappropriate happened to her child. She was also afraid of retaliation. It's been 3 years and she still sees the family around town on occasion, but when the family sees her in public, they avoid eye contact and leave. There was never the confrontation that she feared, they are appropriately mortified and even more uncomfortable with the situation than my friend is. I hope the same will be true for you.You did the right thing. Your child should not have to be afraid of not being believed, and neither should you. This is absolutely disgusting.