family placement versus foster family placement :-(

First off, I truly empathize with your situation. It's always difficult to take in a child, care for them and bond with them and then to see them go to reunions. That is the heartbreak of fostering in general, and all the harder when you're fostering with the intention to adopt and you see a child that could be adopted and have them slip through your fingers, not knowing when or if you'll get another one. I can only imagine your heartache, fear, confusion, frustration and desperation. But I also implore you to try and be impartial. Adoption should never be a first choice when there are fit family members capable of raising the child. It's in every child's best interest to remain within their family whenever possible. It's also in the child's best interest to remain with siblings whenever possible and not to be split up. All of that can happen, but only if you love this child enough to let them go and make all those things a priority...even if that means giving up your desire to adopt them. I can only say that as an adoptee, I would be absolutely beyond horrified if I learned that my adoption had been pushed through based on something as petty as "They were going to put you in daycare!" or "She wasn't married!" Millions of children go to daycare and there are many pros to it. Millions of children are raised by single parents just fine as well. I don't think either of those should ever be used to strip fit families of their right to parent, no matter how much someone else wants their child. I only say this not to be mean but because I think it needs to be said for some grounding. Maybe there are other facts in the case you did not speak of, I can only comment on the couple facts you brought up as your concerns with her. Please do some soul searching. This forum is also great for support and know that there are many other foster families who've gone through this too and many of them went on to adopt other children who truly had no one and needed to be adopted. This child does not NEED to be adopted and that should be the bottom line. I wish you all well and hope that everything works out for all.

First off, I truly empathize with your situation. It's always difficult to take in a child, care for them and bond with them and then to see them go to reunions. That is the heartbreak of fostering in general, and all the harder when you're fostering with the intention to adopt and you see a child that could be adopted and have them slip through your fingers, not knowing when or if you'll get another one. I can only imagine your heartache, fear, confusion, frustration and desperation. But I also implore you to try and be impartial. Adoption should never be a first choice when there are fit family members capable of raising the child. It's in every child's best interest to remain within their family whenever possible. It's also in the child's best interest to remain with siblings whenever possible and not to be split up. All of that can happen, but only if you love this child enough to let them go and make all those things a priority...even if that means giving up your desire to adopt them. I can only say that as an adoptee, I would be absolutely beyond horrified if I learned that my adoption had been pushed through based on something as petty as "They were going to put you in daycare!" or "She wasn't married!" Millions of children go to daycare and there are many pros to it. Millions of children are raised by single parents just fine as well. I don't think either of those should ever be used to strip fit families of their right to parent, no matter how much someone else wants their child. I only say this not to be mean but because I think it needs to be said for some grounding. Maybe there are other facts in the case you did not speak of, I can only comment on the couple facts you brought up as your concerns with her. Please do some soul searching. This forum is also great for support and know that there are many other foster families who've gone through this too and many of them went on to adopt other children who truly had no one and needed to be adopted. This child does not NEED to be adopted and that should be the bottom line. I wish you all well and hope that everything works out for all.

One more thing to consider. You used the term "drug baby." The relative is already parenting two young children. It is possible that she felt she would be overwhelmed adding a drug-addicted/exposed infant. I know it is a difficult situation for you. Please try to keep an open mind toward the transfer. I have a son that was not given the opportunity to be raised with siblings. That is something that is very difficult for him.

I want to say that siblings should be kept together. I have 2 sets of bios who have sibs adopted by other families. The bond isn't as strong when you're not raised together. I'm sorry - I know this isn't what you want to hear.

Sometimes the state does everything they can to place with family and they do it for different reasons. It could be that in this case they see a way to raise their numbers in the "placed with family category", or they are under the gun from the higher ups to move cases along quicker or a ton of other reasons. It is disconcerting that the CASA and the GAL have not been informed of this move because that means to me that they are trying to do something underhanded or outside the rules, or?? I am a huge proponent of children being placed with family, and I can only answer based on what you have said, but it seems like they are pressuring her to take the baby. Perhaps you could contact her and begin discussions about what is best. The CW may be telling her that the baby will not be adopted or will be moved around in foster care or who knows what. She probably doesn't know that you want to keep the baby at all because it doesn't sound like the CW is telling her anything good about you. I have a daughter who has a brother that is being raised elsewhere. We have visits as often as possible, but it does not in any way makeup for the loss she and he suffer because they are in different houses.

I am a kinship foster parent of a "drug baby" in Virginia. First off, IT IS HARD. I have to deal with foster care + the not so pretty parts of my family members. Taking a child into the home should not be rushed into and I can completely understand the aunt's initial hesitation. My STBS has a new little brother that could end up in care and I can honestly say I HAVE NO IDEA what I would say if I were to receive a that call today. I am so happy that I can tell my STBS that he has always been a part of this family, whether or not DH & I adopted him. I can show him pictures of his bio-great-grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. He also gets a relationship with his bio-sister who is also adopted within the family. This to me is priceless as an adoptive parent. I am sorry you have to deal with the heartache but this is the whole idea of foster care, to temporarily care for these children until they can reunite with their family. You are actually a SUCCESS STORY!! I want to thank you for caring this child as your own. Love is never wasted on a child.