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My story is a bit different to most as I considered adoption but in the end decided that it wasnt the right choice for me but I wasn't sure where to go to look for answers.
I had a surprise pregnancy, I am one of those mums that did not know they were pregnant. I didn't find out about my baby until 2 days before he was born when I went for a scan for another medical condition ans they told me that I was 38 weeks pregnant. But I don't want to go into that as it is a long story.
I was so shocked and so scared and I cried so much because here I am 38 weeks along and what do I do.
I considered adoption for my baby because I was scared that I wouldn't make a good mum ( I still feel this way now) my partner and I were going through a rough patch and I was scared that he would leave me when I told him the news and was scared I then wouldnt be able to provide for my baby. I talked to a social worker about it but she said to me that she can see that in my heart I really want to keep my baby and in the end I did and it has been the best decision I have ever made.
But now the fact I considered adopting him is making me feel like I have let him down and really guilty. I cry about it everyday because I love him so much and feel so so bad for even considering giving him away.
What do I do? Will I ever stop feeling this way?
Miss Lilly, first of all, congratulations on being a new mom.
Go and look at the reasons why you considered adoption
"because I was scared that I wouldn't make a good mum"
"was scared I then wouldnt be able to provide for my baby"
Aren't those the thoughts of a loving mother thinking about her child? They aren't selfish reasons are they? I don't think so. Thankfully, you had a social worker that didn't prey on those natural maternal fears.
Maybe you could find a mother's group so you get to know other moms.
Hopefully, others will come on and help.
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MissLilly it's sooo normal. It's just such a tough scary time and to find out so late in to it and the baby arrives so quickly. You didn't have all that time to get attached. Most people get 8 or 9 months to get used to the idea. You had two days during an already scary medical situation. You clearly clearly love your child and your social worker saw it as well. Us new moms, old moms, and everyone in between have felt scared, inadequate, lost, loved etc.... so honestly forgive yourself and if your baby was just born really just give your self some peace and time to bond. Congrats on your new sweet surprise! :woohoo:
Dear Miss Lily,
Give yourself a break! Many people who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant worry that they won't be able to parent. You can't change the past and obviously your initial response was fleeting. Practice letting it go. I've learned that the hardest thing for me is to forgive myself; it can be done. Focus on living each day as fully as you can, it's the only day you really have. Enjoy parenting the baby and celebrate this surprise gift you have received... Let go of the rest!