Money Issues

And you allowed him to eat it? I would have taken his plate, put it in front of myself or DH and given him the burger meal the adult had ordered. If he ate that steak and shrimp after what he had been told he was able to order....he was majorly rewarded for his wrong doing and the lesson was lost. What a bummer he did that!

Great idea! I wish I would have thought of that. I didn't know what to do...when the meal came I was so surprised to see what he had ordered and the kid just smirked at me. :rolleyes: I wish I was a better quick thinker. I thought the whole drive home of what I should have done/said (but of course then it was too late). Next time, he's staying home with peanut butter and bread when we go out to eat!

Take the full cost from his pocket money, including the drink and tip If he complains, tell him he chose to spend his money on steak, so he doesn't have money left for whatever else he wants.

Yes!!! This kid is less entitled (he knew full well you didn't want him to have it) and more behaving badly to get a reaction. He needs to learn you aren't gonna let him walk over you, and you still can do that. You still can make him pay for what he ordered.

It's easy peazy to come up with stuff when your not in the moment...so now you have a little fuel if there is a next time. I fully agree with the other Posters! You make him pay for every dime you spent on him for that dinner and that should include tip and tax :) Then, next time, he stays in for that peanut butter sandwich :) This is what I love about our BB! We can come here and get such creative thoughts! Your gonna have to get tough with Germany and FAST! He smirked at you when his meal came...OMG he was flipping you off with his face! JMHO but TL I would cut his arse off NOW and FULLY! He would not get another dime for allowance, he would get no new clothing, he would get no new glasses other than Medicaid and he would get NO out of home treats until and unless he earns them! Again, JMHO but he is acting like a spoiled brat and he is taking advantage of your big heart and pocket book!

hindsight is 2020. There's no way I would have reacted properly in the situation. But he knows he did something wrong, and it's not too late to call him on it and take the amount out of his allowance. I struggle with the same thing not so much with my DS, but more with the teens I mentor. I don't really know how to tell them not to order every single item on the menu. I was recently very proud of myself for telling a kid 'that's not in my budget' when asked to buy something...it was hard! the good thing is, saying no gets easier with time. I have perfected the art with my DS. The thing with teens is, they will take advantage of your inexperience so it's time to get tough and stop trying to make him like you just say no and embraced the attitude. with any luck, it will pass. Easier said than done I know!

Holy monkey that kid is in for some serious cut offs. be sure to alert the case worker that your cutting off any extras & why. Just in case he complains. I have had quite a few teens...do you have locks on your bedroom door? We locked the office and bedroom...all valuable were left in there. I can see this kid getting ticked and stealing from you to even it up. Entitlement is awful!

It's hard enough with bio kids that you have raised to get their respect when they are teenagers, so I can only imagine what it's like with Germany. As far as the dinner...He gained power by not only ordering what you told him he couldn't have but by ruining the dinner for you and your husband, and consequently, the other kids. He basically stole that amount of money from you. Teenagers are kind of like toddlers but bigger. The more you react, the more power you give them. I don't know what he has that you can take away...but I would start calmly taking things out of his room or off the list of privileges that he gets (even learning to drive is a privilege in our house). So sorry you are dealing with this!

I must be mean as hell LOL BTDT with a couple of entitled ones. Had one do the EXACT same thing, unbelievable! Well, mine wrote down his order and handed it to the waitress. I had ordered salads and burgers for lunch for everyone. (everyone was 8 of us:rolleyes: ) they just had to tell the waitress what salad dressing and what they wanted on the burger. When the food came I told the waitress his was the wrong order, she pulled his piece of paper out of her pocket, handed it to me, pointed to him and said he ordered this instead. Double the price of everyone else's dinner. I paid for it because I felt like it wasn't the waitress/restaurants duty to pay. And I was in shock about it. But you can bet your *** he didn't get to eat it, ever. I enjoyed my 'steak and shrimp' dinner that I paid for, and he enjoyed the free bread and to go water while outside looking in the window waiting for us to finish. And then, I ate my extra cheeseburger later, at home in front of him and the TV, while he enjoyed his ramen noodles, since there was no need for me to cook since I had bought my dinner already. Meaning everyone else got to fend for themselves because of the thief. And then I still made him pay for it, since he ordered it with my money with out my permission. And pay full price since my generosity for free meals for him had ended. Since he was lazy and broke he got to work it off, we kept an account for all the kids, only some managed to have money left on payday. Some I had to put a maximum number of hours per week allowed! $10/hour for hard labor (involves a shovel, heat or cold of the day, lawn mower, log splitter, hoe, rake, hammer, etc.) and $5/hr for light duty (laundry dishes, vacuum, broom, babysitting, errands, organizing, helping etc.) And LOL when he gave me even more inconsiderate stealing entitled grief - he got to stay in the shed for a while. Good food, nice house, new clothes, new shoes, climate control, tv, internet, phone, computer = luxuries in my world. Sometimes you have to do without to understand what doing without really means. To some of the cluelessly entitled it means, well, guess I have to find someone new to sponge off of now. I felt bad, for a while, for being so mean:eek: and guilty for putting that kind of monetary stress on "kids". I know that stress sucks, but it is part of life, a part most get to deal with. I was hard on them, they sacrificed, they cried, they got mad, they had temper tantrums, they claimed to hate my guts, they called me evil dragon lady, bossy B, stingy witch, they exaggerated to their friends their plight with the mean heartless bossy boss lady b. Now there is no guilt at all, I'm even proud. And especially proud that the above mentioned fellow should graduate next year with a degree in Finance with only $4K in student debt and now working two jobs and taking summer classes to finish earlier. How funny is that!

Everyone has had good suggestions. In addition to making him pay for his expensive meal, in my home, he would lose the privilege of ordering for himself when eating out. Period. He can tell you what he wants and you order for him like you would a smaller child, since you cannot trust him to order what is appropriate. Only when you feel that he is not going to violate your trust would I allow him to order his own food, and I would verify EVERY time what he ordered. If it was not one of the options he was given, then it would be back to placing the order for him. Unless he had money in his pocket that he was going to use to pay for his meal.

You've received some excellent advice but honestly do you want to continue w/ him as a placement. I know I maybe flamed but I always ask myself the hard questions when I find I am complaining or worrying too much about a situation. Your age range was young children and you took in a teen who has completely different challenges(BTW we are only a infant home because of what we can handle). Challenges that you may not be able to handle @ this time. Nothing wrong w/ this but we all have unique talents. Instead of allowing Germany to manipulate you and your family, maybe its time for you to decide about the possibility of having him moved to a seasoned teen home or a group home that can prepare him for aging out. I do not say this light heartedly and I understand how difficult it is to admit a change is needed, but your family and your sanity comes first. Period. Hang in there Mama:)

If you are not going to leave him home, just order for him in the future. Heck a little embarassment won't hurt so I would probably say something at the table like "since I can't trust you to order what you are allowed to have I will order for you" "Germany will have the burger" Then if the waitress lets him order something else it will have to come out of her money because you told her what you would be paying for.

Was there was a reason he could only have a choice of three? He was TOTALLY wrong for his stunt but I'd likely be feeling froggy that my food choices were restricted without an obvious reason. Maybe next time, when he can behave himself, he's told he can order whatever he wants so long as it's under X amount?

Yeah, the burgers were a whole page and the sandwiches were an entire page. It's mostly a burger restaurant...they have other things, but they have like tons of sandwiches and burgers. At $8.99 for a bacon cheeseburger, we can afford to eat out. $21.99 for steak and shrimp? Not so much.

That's why my suggestion was telling him anything under X amount. He saw an opportunity to tweak at you by essentially saying "NO! I will not eat what you want me to eat!" So avoid the struggle all together and say keep it under X amount. In reality it will most likely amount to same thing because most of the options are going to be burgers or sandwiches but it avoids setting up that struggle. That said, he was totally out of line and I wouldn't let him be in charge of ordering for himself until the issue is resolved.