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Hi...
The son I put up for adoption is now 18 years old. I had a letter prepared to send him, and I had someone that was going to give it to him, but...
I heard he's autistic. I saw him on social media, and it doesn't seem like a severe case at all, but I am hesitant to initiate contact because I don't want to cause problems for his adoptive mom or dad.
This was a closed adoption. I've not had any contact whatsoever with the child since he went away when he was a month old.
On social media, there were things I read that kind of disturbed me, like, a comment that he says his mother made about his 'birth parents not being married" and how he feels like it's "his fault." THIS really bothers me. :mad: I don't want him to feel like this is his fault. It seems to me that he's asking questions and they're not being properly answered.
I have seven other children now, and I want him to be a part of the family if he wants to be, but I have a feeling from what I read on social media that his mother is pretty controlling, even after he's hit the 18 mark.
Not knowing the extent of his autism spectrum (or even if it's that, perhaps it's asperger's or something, since he seems pretty functional from the little I've been able to see) I'm very stand-offish about initiating contact, even though I just want to give him a big hug and say, "THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!"
The priest that helped with this case is deceased now :(. I could have gone through him to get him a letter and I know he would have been able to read it and everything, but I don't have that advocate for me anymore.
I need some advice. Does anyone know what I should do? I know who he is already. I live several states away from him. I don't want to interfere if there's a problem, but how do I even find out if there is one? And if his mother has anything to do with it, she'll probably stonewall any attempt I make, and she's already not answering his questions.
Should I get an intermediary from the adoption agency? And will they ensure that they will speak with HIM and not his mother?
What should I do?
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Leah, what do you have to lose? You can either let it all go and move on with your life wondering or you can take a step in love for your son and pursue the answer to all your questions. Your son, whatever his status is, deserves to know you. You are kin, blood. You have much information to release including medical records which are so very important for his life. As far as the adoptive parent(s), you can be gentle with them but your son has the ultimate decision at the age of 18 to decide what kind of relationship he wants with you. Choosing to do this yourself or with an intermediator I cannon comment. Good luck and pray because God WILL give you the open door if it is His desire for you to be reunited with your son.
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