Looking for my kinship peeps *vent* LONG

quick recap, my DD (formerly second cousin* ) moved in with us 5+ years ago. we finalized 4 1/3 years ago every year since that, we've spent xmas eve at her cousin's house.. well, my cousin's brother's house. Almost every year, we spent thanksgiving with their family. it was important to me that we didn't take her away from the only family that she's ever known my cousin got sober over the summer (after his 3rd dui and after getting a new gf). Since then, he's pretending that he never hurt my DD, never ignored her for 5 years, never failed as a parent in every way and is trying to start being in her life did i mention he's not biologically related to her? His son is J's half brother.. and my cousin shared a house with her off and on for her first 4 years. But his mom raised her Things have been blowing up since sept. i ended up blocking his number from all our phones. it comes down to 4 main issues: 1) his utter denial that his addiction and anger had an impact on DD's development, 2) his refusal to acknowledge his absence for 5 years would have an impact on her life, 3) his lack of consideration in expecting us to drop everything so he could, text/facetime/call/ visit us, and 4) his refusal to accept us as her parents we skipped thankgiving (with notice) and planned to do the same for christmas eve. we have 2 other family parties in december, so its not like i ran away from home... well, yesterday was the last family party. It was so hurtful, i really did want to run away and never see them (or let them see her) again 1) He sent a present for her "from dad". First of all, he's only ever been "daddy" - not dad. Secondly, when she talked about her dad, she means my DH. He does not have a right to that title. And fourthly, he has never.. not once in 10 years, acted like he dad. . not changed a diaper, wiped her tears, cleaned her puke. and he can't claim the biological tie. 2) He has his enabling mother deliver the present she (who spent the lat 5 years whining about J's abuse to her - physical and mental). She implied it was all my fault.. said if I'd just sit down and talk to him one on one, everything would be better. EVERYTHING?? like how he has hurt my kid more times than i can count. how he continues to talk crap about her BM.. how he has abandoned his 13 year old son in order to live with his gf. I tried talking to him. he bottled up his feelings for 2 months and then exploded all over me. I'm good, thanks. 3) re: xmas eve.. "We're surprised it took you this long." as in "don't let the door hit you on the butt on that way out." Like i wasted my last 5 xmas eves with someone else's family because i wanted to?? Like i was leaching on their family time 4) the kids have always done a present swap. My DD was not included this year. Maybe because she won't be there physically (there's this thing called a post office). That really set my mama bear off. 5) I'm sitting there at my uncles house with a panic attack. I don't belong there. I'm not part of their inner family (nor would i want to be). I'm regretting not putting our family first for the past 5 years. It felt like everything.. that entire family, is willing to toss my DD under the bus in favor of defending my cousin. 6) I was so busy dealing with my guilt of taking her away from her first family, that i put our family on a backburner for too long I ended up texting my sister during the party (her advice "get out NOW") :woohoo: My poor kiddo came home and cried herself to sleep. She said its because she's tired for the dogs barking. But I think the stress is getting to her. She didn't want to get up today and was late to school. Its like she's going through the move all over again my heart hurts