adoptee on not wanting to be told she's lucky

The online version is a little different from the printed copy, which is what I'm looking at: See? Waaaaaaaaaaaay down in the lower right corner? "An adoptee's lament" But, hoo yah, I'm sure WaPo is LOVING the traffic this article is generating. Maybe I should expand my blog entry on trying to get unadopted and submit it to them. Just imagine what kind of reaction THAT would get! :popcorn: .

:popcorn: I don't know if I could handle reading the numerous hateful comments to that one AA. Hard enough seeing what people often say about it in a post here:mad: .

627 comments - oh my people certainly have their knickers in a knot...now she's anti-adoption, they are finding stuff about her parents, and the most recent comment is that she feels more about finding distant cousins on 23 and me than she does about her parents. The leaps are simply unbelievable and if they were actually jumping there'd be a whole slew of broken bones for sure. Not sure if this has been posted already but others have noticed the adoptee bashing happening... [url=http://groupthink.jezebel.com/adoptee-admits-challenges-commenters-respond-by-being-1678840813]Adoptee Admits Emotional Challenges; Commenters Respond by Being Assholes[/url] Kind regards, Dickons PS - I feel so sorry for Shaaren...if I was her, I'd be totally crushed and I hope she has people around her telling her to not listen to the crazies...

I read a few comments and had to close the page and it pretty much kept me up all last night and sick to my stomach. Every time I think we've made progress a bunch of APs show up to crap all over that hope. *sigh* I want to sit here and flame and froth but ultimately I'll say this....what frustrates me the most is that these attitudes don't occur in a vacuum. The APs and HAPs that are posting these nasty comments on her article do show it elsewhere. I've seen plenty of APs who would post those kind of comments on such a story and believe me, they don't hide it elsewhere on the internet or even much in person. But no one, none of the other APs or HAPs they're around, ever seem to check them or call them out on it and that is beyond frustrating and makes me wonder if there's any sane, kind APs out there at all anymore. I don't think I've ever seen a single article from an AP telling these dolts to shut up, that they're giving APs a bad name, that they need to learn X, Y, Z. They're pretty much allowed to continue this anti-adoptee bigotry in full view of sometimes hundreds of other APs/HAPs in adoption related groups. Even here on the forums I see plenty of posts and plenty of HAPs, APs and foster parents who clearly need the surgical removal of their head from their posterior and yet....silence.

Commentary on the article by another author (an adoptive parent): [url=http://www.tulsaworld.com/blogs/scene/becauseisaidso/because-i-said-so-remember-this-before-you-tell-someone/article_59512899-2f95-5bb5-9dad-ac60194f4fe3.html]Because I Said So: Remember this before you tell someone how lucky they were to be adopted[/url] /

Thrilled to see an adoptive father pushing back vocally against all the nasty comments... Kind regards, Dickons

It is nice. But, it saddens me that his words are given more power than a typical adoptee's words are given. To go a step further, it's as though we need to get a blessing from APs before out thoughts are given credence.

I know you are right L4R - but I'm also thankful for those who do step up - it's one of those things. I get so aggravated by AP's who mouth all the right words about supporting their children in relation to adoptee rights - but then can't be bothered to send a letter to their congressman or show up to testify when legislation is pending. I want them to actually walk the walk, not just talk about it... Kind regards, Dickons

It's incredibly frustrating but I think we also have to remember not to be hypocritical. We complain that no APs stand up for us or try to see it from our side and then some do and we still lambaste them anyway, switching from "They should do something!" to "They should do everything we want/need!" which I do think is a little unfair. Progress also tends to come in small steps over time, not in huge rushes. APs speaking out is the first step to acting. Many want to ease into it and many simply don't know about the bills and meetings and such. I also want to say this will likely be my last post on this website. I posted what I thought was a fair response on the "Why are you so angry" post and it was deleted because "It was not uplifting" and it has just left me feeling completely silenced and awful and I see the same awful rationalizations here that agencies use, that they MUST push services and ads "Cuz...costs." Basically rationalizing ignoring us almost completely. It seems adoptees will receive no meaningful support from the website and mods which makes it difficult to continue on or feel welcome here. Thank you to people like Dickons and AbusedAdoptee who I conversed with a bit and had some wonderful conversations with. You guys are awesome.

Nope. Not complaining about the AP's post at all. I think it was a good post. My concern has nothing to do with his specific post. It is a generalized concern about the fact that adoptees need APs to bless our points of view before the general public and some other APs will listen. I'm thrilled that he is speaking up. I wish he didn't have to speak up for us. I wish that adoptees speaking about their own experiences would be enough, but it isn't. But, again, there is no hypocrisy. I'm not against his speaking up. I'm not against his statements. I'm saddened that adoptees' statements need to be buttressed by others.

Backatcha! I sent you a PM -- be sure to check your inbox. /

It doesn't imply that I think the individual was fortunate to be received, essentially that s/he was - if the appropriation needed to happen - fortunate to have wound up in a decent circumstance, in light of the fact that too often that doesn't happen. In the event that anybody in selection, an expert, new parent, foster new parent can't see what rabbit opening they are going down intuition Lucky, Grateful, or any of that is alright then they have to make a stride back and read the ridiculous remarks... The piece was distributed in the Sunday daily paper's different Magazine area, which is subtitled "The Parenting Issue".

Here's another adoptee's response to the commenters on the WP article: [url=http://www.thelostdaughters.com/2015/01/a-response-to-shaaren-pines-washington.html]Lost Daughters: A Response to Shaaren Pine's Washington Post Article from an Adoptee Five Years in Reunion[/url]

I hate being called lucky for being adopted there is nothing lucky about not being allowed to have birthfamily or a birthcertificate or housing , the non adoptees are the lucky ones they get to have everything , there is nothing lucky about being adopted

adopted people are not supported by non adoptees .it makes me angry when non adoptees think being adopted is the same kind of life as not being adopted its not the same kind of life at all .