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What are appropriate and inappropriate boundaries for interactions between bios and foster parents at supervised visitation?
At our first drop off, bio mom was waiting outside with her CW. When my husband picked them up, he began to buckle them into the van and bio mom got into our vehicle, despite my husband asking her not to. We dont like that she knows what our van looks like, or that she can run our plates to learn where we live. I am more concerned that she entered into our personal vehicle after being denied access and that she could have planted something in our car. Our CW acted like it wasnҒt a big deal, and the person overseeing shrugged us off. Are we being oversensitive/paranoid?
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I would say that is totally inappropriate, especially after being told she was not allowed in the van.
Around here bios are not suppose to know anything about the foster family. Bio mom might know my first name, if she had been paying attention during the last case, but she is not to know my last name or where I live. Bios are not making visits, but if they did, the CWs are very protective of the foster families and protecting their identity.
Here in CA in my county, bio parents are not to have any kind of interaction with the foster family if the foster family requested no contact. So we park in behind the DPSS building where meetings take place and our CW lets us in the back door into the security room. The bio parents use the front entrance. Then the kids are taken into the meeting room by the CW while we are in the security room watching the visit on tv/cameras. So we never actually meet bio parents and they never meet or see us. So is it is weird why your CW allowed that. The bio mom stepped over the boundaries and so did the CW by allowing it. If possible, I would talk to your SW/CW and request no contact between you and them...so only the kids will have contact through these visits so they should let you in through the back door or something. For us here in Riverside county, CA, they allow us to have that decision for safety reasons as we all know there are bio parents who get mad at the foster parents. So I highly suggest you request no contact between you and the bio parents if possible. And if need be, request a new CW if needed or possible.
Here in CA in my county, bio parents are not to have any kind of interaction with the foster family if the foster family requested no contact. So we park in behind the DPSS building where meetings take place and our CW lets us in the back door into the security room. The bio parents use the front entrance. Then the kids are taken into the meeting room by the CW while we are in the security room watching the visit on tv/cameras. So we never actually meet bio parents and they never meet or see us.
So is it is weird why your CW allowed that. The bio mom stepped over the boundaries and so did the CW by allowing it. If possible, I would talk to your SW/CW and request no contact between you and them...so only the kids will have contact through these visits so they should let you in through the back door or something.
For us here in Riverside county, CA, they allow us to have that decision for safety reasons as we all know there are bio parents who get mad at the foster parents.
So I highly suggest you request no contact between you and the bio parents if possible. And if need be, request a new CW if needed or possible.
Also in CA. We have the choice to meet in the beginning but meeting is gonna happen, IMO it's good to meet them and it's good for them to see we are "normal" people. So long as they are safe.
OP this mom was out of line! I would document and let CW know that getting in your car was not acceptable and boundaries need to be discussed.
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Getting in your van was, against your wishes was definitely out of bounds. CW should back you up on that.
If your in a state that keeps foster family private, then CW should do everything they can to keep you and your info from them. That includes seeing your car and tags.
Some states openly give all your info to the parents though.
One thing I want to add is, if the parents have buckled in the child, double check and make sure it's done properly.
Goobers mom (we are kin so access to our car didn't matter) would buckle him in our car and half the time forget the top buckle or she pulled it loose and didn't tighten it back up. We did at least give her the opportunity to TRY to be a mom to him. Just had to go around behind her on most things and make some adjustments. Sometimes she did get it right!