Just starting!!

Hi Sam! Behaviors, first of all, are relative. They depend on age, perspective, expectations and experiences for everyone involved from every angle. All kids have behaviors. Foster kids probably have more, but mostly because what could have been helped, wasn't. People talk about the horror stories because those are the stories that make you need support and to reach out and have camaraderie with others in your same situation. Sometimes people talk about the the worst of the bad behaviors so that you are prepared. But *most* behaviors in a regular, traditional, foster home can be curbed with patience, communication and whatever the child's *currency* is. My mantra is to tackle things one at a time. Pick the biggest, or whatever is a safety issue or whatever bothers you the most and then figure out what will "work" with that child..... do they respond to rewards? Do they respond to attention? There's kids who have a honeymoon stage - where kids will be on their best behavior and then behaviors set in when the kids trust you, or get sick of you. There's kids who are bad right off the bat because they haven't ever been taught anything. There's kids who, on top of having been mistreated and not taught things are angry at YOU for a host of reasons, mostly just because you're the one that's there. But.... if you can wait it out. Feed them. Be consistent. Don't get mad at them... but be firm. Then you can usually at least stop the behaviors from escalating. We've had kids with virtually no behaviors (at least in our home). But I'd rather have a kid that screams at me and throws things than one that is well behaved but goes out and sleeps with inappropriate guys in the middle of the day instead of going to class or does drugs. Because when they scream at me I can see their pain and then I can help them. What to expect for your first placement? I would say keep your expectations as low as possible. Because you don't know what you're getting until they're through the door and unpacked. And even then sometimes they keep surprising you. Expect that as scared as you are... they are more scared, even if they don't show it. Expect that they still love their parents regardless of what their parents were doing. Expect that they will not understand why they can't go home. Expect that they will not be grateful or appreciative of you or what you are doing for them. Expect that you will change their life in a profound way that they may never realize. Expect that they will change your life in a profound way that you will be aware of on an almost constant basis. As far as what to call us.... we struggled with that. But we decided on just our first names. I was thinking I would go with "mama MyFirstName" but then I just didn't. Most of them won't call you anything for a while. Some of them will ask if they can call you something - one girl wanted to call me "meemaw". When it came down to it... as long as it isn't profanity or negative, I'm really ok with anything, I guess.

Thank you so much! That was just what I needed to hear!

I also thank you for the great information. Very much appreciated.