Adopted Teen Cutting

I'm sorry - have no advice but bumping the thread up so others may see it...Kind regards,Dickons

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. My 13 yo son is in the hospital (behavioral health) for cutting as we speak. His cuts were also superficial, and I didn't have any idea he was doing it until I checked his phone. He and a friend were showing each other their handiwork. My son also makes some of the same comments your daughter does. He doesn't even seem to like his dad and me and is soooo angry! He rants and raves for the smallest things. What does your daughter's t-doc and p-doc say you should do about the cutting? I am brand new to this sight and am very glad to have found it. It helps just a little to know others are going through the same thing, doesn't it?

I'm sorry to hear about your son RRH. I hope that your family has a good support system in place. It does help so much to hear that someone else is going through the same things in their home, and it is good for me just to be able to vent a little bit!My daughter's therapist, who deals exclusively with post-adoption teens (and is absolutely a miracle worker), says this is common behavior and that it is clear that my daughter is not suicidal or showing signs of depression. The therapist always says to call the police if we are afraid that daughter is a danger to herself, but that the best thing to do is to try and remove harmful objects from daughter's possession and to try to not react to the "shock value" of the cutting as it is an attention-seeking action. This has mostly stopped the cutting when daughter is staying at home, but as soon as she is going to see her friends she will try to instigate a fight any way she can and then cut. The therapist said this is a very social activity and that there is really nothing to be done to stop it--if a teen wants to cut, they will find a way to do it. The only physical danger of superficial cutting is that the cuts could become infected if not cleaned properly, which the therapist explained to our daughter.The Psychiatrist only sees the cutting as an expression of depression and suicidal intention. Her solution is, as always, to up the dose on antidepressants. She does not understand the social implications of teens cutting and does not seem to care to discuss the underlying problems (we are currently transferring doctors because of her response to our daughter).Daughter is so loving most of the time and overall a positive, happy girl, always looking to help and encourage others. I know that the anger she demonstrates during her blowups is not really about me, which makes it a little bit easier to sit through patiently.

I was a cutter as a teenager.. many, many moons agoFor me, feelings would build up and build up - anger, frustration mostly.. mixed with a dab of self loathing.Cutting was a release. the frustration would be reduced.. the anger redirected by the painI'm with your therapist... I do think it's pretty common. I grew up to be semi-normal adult :PMy parents could not have stopped my by hiding knives, scissors, etc. The drive to get out the pain is too high.What may work is helping your children find another outlet. Something physical is a good idea. Or pillow fights.. Screaming at the top of their lungsbest of luck

We dealt with this a few years ago with one of our teen foster kids. At first it worried us and we called the appropriate people, sat down and talked with Teen, medicine and bandages were applied, etc. After a few times though, it became obvious they were superficial and for the attention. We changed how we behaved towards it, reminding Teen that he knew where the medicine was if he needed it. It ended pretty quick after that. I also let the school know what was going on and how we were handling it. I think Teen was getting attention from school also, but Teen was good at that, gaining sympathy from others. :) Being adopted, your daughter has added factors in her life that our Teen did not. And having her talk through stuff may work. It just got to a point that I knew we were being manipulated, that there was no real danger, so we had to stop engaging. Easy? Not at first. Is that the right approach for everyone? No, but only you can judge your situation. Good luck.

Hi there,I'm now 28 and and was adopted as an older child. When I was around 14-17 were the hardest years of my life. I rebelled, and I cut myself. It was actually impossible to get through to me. No phycologist would help, parents, no one. Looking back I understand why I did it. The emotional pain I was in felt unbearable at the time, cutting is a sign of relief. The confusion for the adoptees around that age can just be too overwhelming. My parents ended up giving me a lot of freedom, not too much discipline actually, as worried as they were they knew that I was too hard headed and they were even scared of pushing me too far. Phycologist can help, however I know now exactly what I would have needed from them, someone young, someone I could relate too. The problem I was feeling was isolation. I didn't know where I belonged. If one person was picking on me at school I felt the whole world hated me. In those years I grew up feeling like a freak, and no one can understand what I was feeling and honestly I didn't understand what I was feeling. I remember when my parents brought me to a phycologist, hearing my mother say "she's adopted" that label wanted to make me scream!!!!! The truth is I finally found my outlet, and that was when I was around 17, when I stopped cutting I started to cry, alone. I would go out at night, find a safe spot, maybe by the water, look up at the moon and think to myself that the birth mother I remembered was somewhere under this moon as well. I eventually reached a point where I would cry and say she left me. I know that every adoptee is different, but when it comes to cutting, for me it was a realse of overwhelming emotions that I was denying. Throwing things, breaking stuff. No one allowed in my room. And I really wish I had help through this. If it were my child now, I would find a phycologist that specialized in adoption and abandonment issues. If its your daughter a female would be best, and one that is actually young. I've now seen my fair share, and let me tell you, the first few times I still don't trust them, but the ones who helped me the most were the ones that made me feel like I could be myself, for example, I swear, and they will swear back, they mirror me as part of gaining a teenagers trust. The younger they are the cooler they seem the more it doesn't feel like therapy after a few sessions, because by bringing me into see an up tight psychologist only validated my inner feelings and insecurities, that if my parents are making me see a Dr, than I truly am messed up. There's tons more I could say on this subject, and I know how worries parents must be ... Space freedom, and letting them know that their pain is real and supported in the family. Doesn't mean you tolerate any verbally abusive behavior, but if one day the teen wants to scream their lungs out and you don't know why, let them know it's OK. Plus usually pushing parents buttons to breaking points should not be accepted but understood that they want to see if you will leave them as well. I wish you all the best and I truly feel for daughter, I know what it feels like. And to this day the guilt I have for telling my parents "you're not my real mom" kills me, until a phycologist explained that teens say mean things, if you weren't adopted you would have found another mean thing to say, like children from devorce. "I hate you mom, I love dad" and vice versa. And of course adoption is a blessing, but for her right now it's a blessing in disguise. Just validate her feelings. We grow up being told how lucky we were to be adtoped into a loving home, but the thing is... There are times we don't feel blessed or lucky, but left on a door step, and sincerely abandoned. If my own birth parents can leave me, than there's something wrong with me, right? Sorry for this super long post!!

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. My 13 yo son is in the hospital (behavioral health) for cutting as we speak. His cuts were also superficial, and I didn't have any idea he was doing it until I checked his phone. He and a friend were showing each other their handiwork. My son also makes some of the same comments your daughter does. He doesn't even seem to like his dad and me and is soooo angry! He rants and raves for the smallest things.see: , &

This is my first post to this forum and has been precipitated by the latest antics of my adopted teenage daughter. Problems with our daughter really started about two years ago and have reached crisis proportions in the last year. Over time she has become more and more distant to my wife and I and she has gravitated to her friends.