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Well the day I was dreading has come. My daughters biodod (my ex-BIL who I've never met) got out of prison after 8 yrs end of November and found me on facebook. He sent me a friends request (he found me cause his mother who I never met either told him my name) on Dec 12th. I started a conversation on PM and we had a nice exchange. Even though I don't trust him completely I feel he's trying hard to change his life around from drugs. Being in prison for 8 yrs he's been clean that long but being out in real world might change him. Anyways...he asked for some type of contact with our daughter (she's 16 now but was 5 when he lost custody). We adopted her at age 7 after moving here with us across country at age 6. It's been kinda nice conversing cause I'm getting more photos of her younger years from him.
So what do you all do when this happens? Do you allow them to be your friend on FB and if so is there a way to control what he sees and what other see? I'm just worried about that but then I don't know. I feel our daughter is now 16 so it's not like he can have any type of influence anymore and come get her. He's in Idaho and we are in Florida. Just looking to see if anyone has been where we are.
BTW: Our niece was in FC for 6 weeks and we became involved and it took 11 months to bring her here. I haven't been on adoption boards for years so bear with me! It's been along ride and I'm so glad to come back!
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Chelsea Cox likes this.
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Yes, continue to be friends. I say this because your daughter may ask about him one day. This way, you're not putting him down or denying contact. FWIW, my 2 younger ones have contact with their bio dad who's in prison. He calls and I take them to see him. It helps to lessen their loss.
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This is a hard situation but I would say you are the parent you know what is best for your child . We have allowed contact with bio parents in the past with our adopted children as long as it is in a safe manner and in our control . We share pics with bio mom on 2 of our kids. She did not hurt them she just couldn't properly care for them and they were removed at birth. So there are no hard feelings. They have to respect our wishes. But we have kept an open friendly dialogue because I believe this is what is in the best interest of my children. Each situation is different and you know more about what kind of person and influence bio dad could have in your daughter.
He is able to ' Google ' and 'Zaba ' Search both you and your Daughter's and Family's information. That is way more concerning to me as a Parent and a Mom than ' Social Media ' Friending ' !!I would ask him ' straight out ' what his expectations are with the relationship on ' Social Media . " ???