To Vivienne

Originally Posted By NicksterMommyYou made a loving decision to give your daughter a mommy and a daddy who wanted her and love her with all of their hearts. Additionally, you chose to stay in her life, which proves that she wasn't some "accident" that you wanted to "sweep under the rug" and move on with your life. Your actions have been very loving, and I truly feel your daughter will understand that. Lots of kids are "accidents" (even born to married couples); however, I prefer to call them "surprises". An "accident" sounds like something you didn't want, but a "surprise" is something of value that you didn't even know you wanted. The fact that you have chosen to stay in your daughter's life through an open adoption PROVES that you "wanted" her. There is a difference betweeen being preplanned and wanted. My nephew was a HUGE surprise (not planned), but, BELIEVE ME, he was WANTED. Just because you chose to place her for adoption doesn't mean you didn't want her -- it means that you chose to sacrifice FOR her. There's a BIG difference.At 4, she isn't really going to understand much. When she is older, you can explain to her that, because you couldn't provide ______ for her (you fill in the blank -- you know your reasons for your decision), you had to make a choice. Either the child could carry the burden of dealing with ______ (example -- growing up w/o a dad), or YOU could forever carry around a hole in your heart by not having her in your life every day. Once she understands the enormous sacrifices you made to (1) give her LIFE and (2) give her a loving, two-parent home, she will respect you. I have several friends who were adopted, and ALL of them respect their birthmothers. My closest adoptee friend has said several times, "I am soooo glad that I wasn't raised by a 16-year-old." She loves her adopted parents with all of her heart, and she doesn't question why she was placed for adoption -- the birthmother's age says it all. She is extremely grateful that her birthmother didn't abort her and gave her a good life with a loving family.My son is still an infant, but I plan to tell him how much I respect his birthmother and what an enormous sacrifice she made for him. I am sure that your daughter's Aparents will do the same. The fact that they chose an open adoption shows a respect for you and your role in your daughter's life. So, I wouldn't worry about whether or not your daughter will "forgive" you. There is NOTHING to forgive. If you hadn't had this "accident," your daughter would not have life. What a precious gift you gave her!!