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Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday my darling Nicky. Happy birthday to you. And so many many more! Thirty years ago I was still in labor you haha! And since it was New Mexico time, I would still have been in labor for another couple hours! I cannot forget the day. After you come here, go find my post in New York and read that one please.
I think after continuously posting every birthday since it became legal for me to look for you, that perhaps you are unaware that you are adopted. I am cringing at the thought, but I think that has to be it. Maybe your adoptive parents will tell you before they pass, or maybe you have a pain in butt cousin who will spill the beans to you. And you will put your birthday in Google and all my posts will show up. They cannot be as, well, wordy anymore. I am not the most healthy woman in the world. I suffer from something called ischemic colitis. It means when I get over emotional, my insides bleed. I think it also has to do with the fact of all the medications I take to control the pain I am in from my spinal operations. I did discuss it with your birth father, I told him after a 9 hour crying jag, 6 and a 1/2 of those were on Skype with your Grandma and Aunt Teresa that I just physically can't do it anymore.
I love you so much young man. There is nothing more to say after I have poured my heart out for years here. I will update the deaths in the family that keep happening, which breaks my heart because that is just one more person you will never know, but I think this is for the best. I don't know if the website is going to keep on going and allow people to access it in the future or not. I think I will print out the posts I have made in the past, just in case. Maybe you won't find out until it's too late, and your sister will show the posts and share those with you. I hope that no matter what, in the future, you at least find her. She had nothing to do with any of this. She just always knew she had a big brother somewhere out there. Be kind to her. You and she will probably have tons in common. I will leave you with these words, I love you so much. From the day I knew I was pregnant with you until the day I die. I thought by now, that my heart would be full and you would have come back to find me. I thought you would be like me, instinctively or in an inherited way. I am wrong. Be safe, be kind, and be strong. Go with our love.
As always,
Your birth mother
( I post in New York and New Mexico because I gave birth in New Mexico, but they took him to New York. )
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