My friends and family wanted to throw me a baby shower and I was extremely hesitant to have one because we were adopting. I felt guilty about celebrating me becoming a mom at someone else's expense if that makes sense. Has anyone else experienced this? I have heard of people doing a baby shower with the birth mom, but I feel like that could potentially be very overwhelming and emotional. What are your opinions on baby showers when adopting?
The couple that adopted my baby had a baby shower while I was pregnant without telling me. That was kind of hurtful. I appreciate that they were trying to make sure I didn't feel pressured, but I would have liked to know that they were at least doing one, even if I wasn't invited. From a birth parent perspective, I think baby showers are fine (especially since you've already spent so much money on the adoption itself, any help you can get with baby supplies is great). I think the best way to do it is after the birth mother has signed her termination of parental rights papers and you have taken baby home. That way it doesn't look like you're pressuring her, and it's not taking away from the miracle of her pregnancy. You're just showering a baby that's already here!
I can definitely see how that would be hurtful and I'm really sorry that happened. It's so hard to know what to do! I ended up telling my sister-in-law it would be okay to have an open house, but it had to be after his birth mom signed just because I didn't want her to feel like she became obligated to place him with us even if she ended up deciding she wanted to parent. She asked if I was going to have a baby shower before he was born, so I let her know we would probably do a small gathering so people could meet him and told her she was welcome to come. She said she was thankful for the invite and said she would have moved by then, so she wouldn't be able to attend. We did the open house this weekend and it was really nice. It was fun to celebrate that he was home with us, but it felt a little wrong celebrating having this beautiful baby when she is in pain.