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I often hear people who were adopted say that they had a great fear of abandonment throughout their lives, attributing it to the fact that they were separated from birth family early on. However, I sometimes have to wonder if we all - adopted or not - have a bit of a fear of abandonment. Do you think that fear truly stems from adoption - or is it something you'd have anyway? How can you tell?
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That's a great question. It's so tricky to determine where exactly our fears come from, there are usually many contributing factors. I was raised in a stable home with both biological parents, but I struggle daily with a fear of abandonment. I think I always have, but since placing it has become worse. I think any loss in our lives can trigger a fear of abandonment. For an adoptee, maybe one of those losses is adoption, maybe it's something else. Everyone is so unique and responds differently to different situations.
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That's interesting, Annaleece. I hadn't thought about it from that perspective, but having experienced a huge loss like that can really change your emotional makeup. I have a birth mom friend who says that she has struggled with attachment difficulties after placement. I wonder if the emotional impact of adoption is similar for birth moms and adoptees.
I think there are a lot of similarities between the loss and adoptee and birth mother feel. Both of them have lost family, and that's really tough. I can see it being potentially even more complicated for adoptees, because it's not something they chose. Even if they know it was the right thing for them, they still didn't get to choose. That can for sure cause attachment issues. That's why I love open adoption, because the birth parents are there to negate some of those feelings of loss.
I am pretty sure I would have done better in life if I had been allowed to have birthfamily and housing . I have not done well in life because I was not allowed to have birthfamily or housing or a birthcerificate being adopted is awful plus I don't get along with the non adoptees and I am adopted the non adoptees are always mean to me and there never mean to each other so there you go I would have been better of not being adopted
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