Medical decisions

I assume that you are talking about circumcision., a subject about which there are people with strong opinions on both sides. Some people believe that it's medically good to circumcise, and there are some studies, mainly done in Africa among married men who also have sex with prostitutes, showing that circumcision gives some protection against HIV when men do not use condoms. Whether those studies are appropriate to conditions in the U.S., where men are more likely to use condoms and the majority of married men do not visit prostitutes, is unclear.Some people in the U.S., on the other hand, oppose circumcision because of the risk of damage to the penis or because of a belief that there is little medical benefit to circumcising. And, in fact, groups such as the American Academy of Pediatrics have said that there is rarely a medical reason to circumcise, and that in the absence of a strong religious tradition supporting circumcision, or a specific medical reason to circumcise, it would probably be best not to do the procedure.Some people feel that an uncircumcised child will face teasing in the locker room, because most American males are circumcised. And others feel that a child will want to "look like Daddy", with regard to the presence or absence of circumcision. In fact, today, there are many more children being left intact, so the locker room issue may not arise by the time a child is old enough to be dressing on his own in a school or athletic facility. And if Mommy and Daddy do a good job of explaining why a child's uncircumcised penis does not look like his father's circumcised one, or vice versa, most little boys will adjust perfectly wellThe issue that I see in your particular case is that the adoptive family and the birth family are setting themselves up for a terrible open adoption relationship. If at this stage, the birthmother cannot accept that it is the adoptive parents who will be making decisions about their child until he/she turns 18, and is not willing to let them begin to make this particular decision even before finalization, it is likely that she will challenge the adoptive parents about other matters, down the road. And if the adoptive parents can't quietly explain the reasons why they have their preference in a way that is respectful to the birthmother and shows an understanding of her concerns, it is likely that they will not show her respect down the road. It is quite possible that this is NOT an adoption that should happen, because it will not be in the best interests of the child for the adoptive parents and the biological parents to wrangle constantly over things in the years to come. However, if both parties are willing to sit down with an experienced counselor and try to reach a mutually agreeable solution, perhaps the adoption can be salvaged.By the way, there is no reason why a circumcision must be performed before the baby is discharged from the hospital. Many Jewish babies are circumcised on their eighth day of life, and many other babies are circumcised much later, if they come from a country where circumcision is rare, and are brought to the U.S. as adopted children. There are physicians who routinely do older child circumcisions in a hospital or surgery center, and some adult men may undergo circumcision as part of a religious conversion or for a medical reason.Sharon