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If shortly after finalizing an adoption, your child's birth parent took you to court filing motion after motion to try to get your child back how would that effect your relationship? I'm having a hard time processing the pain our family indured. We had a private adoption and developed a wonderful relationship with the Birth Mother. After 1 month of finalization, the birth mom tried to say we weren't holding our end of the "open adoption". This was not true. We had been in constant communication where we shared pictures and videos of the child with the Birth Mom. We both understood that there would be a period of bonding that would be necessary., but there was always plans of reunification and a continued relationship. The Birth Mom had little to no support, her family bullied her into filing all these motions to get the baby back. Everything that was said in court was proven to be lies. It was proven that we were upholding our agreement and we did nothing wrong. We won the lawsuit obviously because even we had wanted to stop communication with the Birth Mom, we have that legal right as the child's parents. There is nothing in our state that can enforce post adoption visitation. We never wanted this to happen. It is such a shame because it was to be such a beautiful story. We have biological children and only wanted to adopt if there was an "open adoption". However, after dragging us to court and filing such ridiculous claims, the relationship we had is gone. In court she flat out lied saying we tricked her, preyed upon her, commit fraud, etc.. What would you do if you were in our shoes?
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Allison, I'm so sorry to hear of what you have both gone through. Having an open adoption can be an extremely strenuous thing on both sides. Perhaps it is grief or a misunderstanding that has caused her to commit the actions she has.However, I would hate to lose that connection with my child's birth family. If an open adoption is important to you, which it sounds like it is, then I would think you would give some time and space for healing on both ends, but not terminate the relationship.In adoption best way to make decisions is to not necessarily think of yourself or the birth family, but your child, the person that bring you together. An open adoption, perhaps in a varying levels of openness as time goes on, can be incredibly beneficial to your child.I am so sorry that your family is facing this and I hope sincerely that it will not be a lasting trial for you, your family, or your child's birth mother.
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Our trial is over. We were in and out of court for motion after motion. We ended up in a trial. At this point, the only way you can undo adoption is to prove that the termination was signed as result of fraud. It took 6 months but the judge ruled in our favor as we did nothing illegal. I believe in forgiveness but its hard to imagine the relationship ever being the same. The BM spent a holiday with us and we were very close prior to this happening. Even after all the hurt she has caused our family, I still feel that over time things can be mended.I mostly don't want our son to grow up thinking we didn't hold our end of the agreement. I am not 100% sure given her mental state and her drug use, I want visitation anytime soon. I am hoping I can get some advice from a family who has actually been through something like this. It's very easy to say that a relationship is in the best interest of the child, but I unless you have been through this, it's hard to know what you would do. The BM tried reaching out and was basically acting like nothing ever happened. She is pretending that she wasn't trying to get our son back. I believe in forgiveness but I also believe she needs to own her wrong doings as well. It's also hard to trust her or anyone after the things she said about us and our family under oath. In addition this set our family back $27,000 for an absolutely unnecessary lawsuit. I think it is just too soon, maybe time is what we need.
I agree, Allison, that you'll need some time. It sounds like she's in a pretty unhealthy place right now, and what you've gone through sounds nightmarish. An open adoption doesn't mean constant contact. You're the mom. Look into your heart and give what you can to openness right now, but don't push yourself into contact you're not comfortable with or ready for. Simply sending regular updates (even just a few times a year) might be enough for now.
I wasn't taken to court but I've had 2 birth mothers say negative things about me. The reason it bothered me was because I thought we could have some type of friendship. We couldn't. But I didn't close the door as it's not about me, it's about the kids. My 2 youngest go back and forth with wanting a relationship with their birth mom. I want them to have one as I believe it will help them heal. Adoption is based on loss and I believe we need to help our kids overcome some of that.
Our trial is over. We were in and out of court for motion after motion. We ended up in a trial. At this point, the only way you can undo adoption is to prove that the termination was signed as result of fraud. It took 6 months but the judge ruled in our favor as we did nothing illegal. I believe in forgiveness but its hard to imagine the relationship ever being the same. The Birth Mom spent a holiday with us and we were very close prior to this happening. Even after all the hurt she has caused our family, I still feel that over time things can be mended.I mostly don't want our son to grow up thinking we didn't hold our end of the agreement. I am not 100% sure given her mental state and her drug use, I want visitation anytime soon. I am hoping I can get some advice from a family who has actually been through something like this. It's very easy to say that a relationship is in the best interest of the child, but I unless you have been through this, it's hard to know what you would do. The Birth Mom tried reaching out and was basically acting like nothing ever happened. She is pretending that she wasn't trying to get our son back. I believe in forgiveness but I also believe she needs to own her wrong doings as well. It's also hard to trust her or anyone after the things she said about us and our family under oath. In addition this set our family back $27,000 for an absolutely unnecessary lawsuit. I think it is just too soon, maybe time is what we need.
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Such a tough situation. I'm a birth mom, so I understand the grief she's going through. That much pain can influence someone to do some crazy things, although to contest he adoption is not something I would personally do.Please keep in mind that your child's birth mother contesting the adoption was probably not really about you personally, bit just grasping at straws to help the pain. I know that doesn't make it any better for your family, but maybe understanding that will help you heal down the road.Open adoption is always, always about the child, and I applaud you for knowing this and for still desiring some level of openness in the best interest of your child