Match after a failed adoption

I don't know that I necessarily see any red flags with the emom. Not answering calls could happen for a number of reasons. Depending on her age, a lot of people are more comfortable with texts. Also, talking to strangers, especially about something very emotional, is incredibly difficult. When I adopted my son, the agency facilitated all calls to help both hopeful adoptive parents and expectant parents have a smooth conversation. I know that attorneys do not provide as many services as agencies, however. You might consider suggesting that she have her mother be a part of the call as well, since she appears to be helping with planning. Since phone can also be hard for people, you might also want to suggest Facetime (or whatever you both have for video chat), since it can be easier to talk when you can see the person.I don't know the attorney, but some of what you have said concerns me about them. First, what you said about paying the attorney prior to the child's birth. If you have to pay the entire amount, and it will not be refunded if the emom chooses to parent, that would concern me. If it were me, I would be fine paying a deposit; this would be standard for an attorney for any issue, because they will have expenses up front, but you would never pay 100% of attorney fees up front for any other issue, and you shouldn't need to for adoption, either. If they do require the full fee up front, there should be a clear refund policy. You also haven't said anything about the father, which makes me wonder what (if anything) they have shared with you. While it may just be that it isn't germaine to this thread, if they haven't talked to you about the father, that would be a concern for me as well.I wouldn't be worried about her not having placed a child before; that is true of probably the majority of expectant parents. My son's parents had a child they were raising when he was born, and I know several people whose kids other parents were raising children when they placed. Adoption, as much as we want it to be a wonderful thing for everyone, is usually not a decision someone makes because they don't want to parent a child, but rather because they are unable to do so for a variety of reasons (often related to poverty and/ or lack of social support). Sometimes another child would overwhelm a parent's or family's financial or emotional abilities, and they make a difficult choice that they need to care for the children they are already parenting and let go of the child that is coming. You did not say how far along she is in her pregnancy or whether she has had any type of counseling. That would be a big deal for me. Some attorneys/ agencies will match fairly early in pregnancy and/ or without an expectant parent having any sort of counseling. Both of those situations are more likely to change than a situation later in pregnancy and if an expectant parent has had unbiased counseling to consider her choices. Personally, I would not be comfortable being matched with an expectant mom before the 3rd trimester of her pregnancy.The information you give doesn't send out a lot of red flags for me, but the information that is missing is what would be a stronger influence on me. If you have that information, take it into consideration. If you don't, I would urge you to push the attorney for the information.

You can't guarantee anything with a match, of course. But I'm not seeing a ton of red flags here and I'm a birth mom myself. I say proceed with caution, but optimistically :)