Reunion didn't go as expected

Hi Again Annaleece. You ask a good question. What are some coping skills to use when an adoptee is in a situation where sometimes reunions don't go well. For me when i found my birth dad, who came from Pakistan in the late 1960's to the UK. I tracked him down by chance, a fluke you could say. We wrote to each other for year before me met up. He promised me when the time is right he would introduce me into his family and exended family. The re-union was strange, as he seemed more interested in talking with my boyfriend who had come with me to meet my birth father in a neutral place for both of us. The first meeting turned out to me the only meeting. I soon later told him i was gay. And after that i stopped hearing from him. I made efforts to write to him, and phone him. He told me he'd lost my phone number. But he hadn't written to me either. So i figured out he didn't like the bit where i said i was gay. So my coping mechanism was at the time, to write to him and tell him how i was feeling with his sudden lack of contact with me. And i mentioned about does he have a problem with me being gay. I never heard back from him after that. That was in 2007. I never got to meet my siblings, uncles etc.. SInce then my coping skills, of a better word was again to write to him a few years later to try and reconnect with him. I put a latest photo of me inside. I also wrote to one of my siblings who i knew lived with him. But i never heard anything back from either of them. I also tried to find my siblings on Facebook, but the people with the same name as my siblings, i contacted, but i haven't had a success story or a match back yet from doing that. Other coping skills, is for me, to think, he wasn't there for me ever growing up, so i know him, and maybe i'm not missing much if he is a sort of person who behaves like the way he did to me. Part of me hopes he will change his mind and get back in contact. But i am not banking on it. It's just so sad. He is a Muslim, but he told me he was against all the violence and terrorism which has been going on. He appeared a kind, loving father. I also have to think, it is what it is. He doesn't want me in his life, i have to accept that, and try not to dwell on it too much. Even though i have never been brought up in a Pakistani culture, or been integrated into a mixed society. Living where i was brought up a very white orientated populated small town. I always felt different and looked different to everyone. Becky

Becky,Thank you so much for your insights. It is always a great experience for me to hear from adoptees about their experience. I'm so sorry things haven't gone will with your birth father, that must be very painful. From my experience, birth parents, especially birth fathers, sometimes shut down all the emotions tied to their birth child because there is so much grief. They just can't handle it, and that seems to be what's happening. Thank you again for sharing your story.