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This has been on my mind lately. I'm very young and head of a company - adoption is unrealistic for me at the moment. Maybe in ten years or so, but even then I want to foster because I want to give as many kids the family they need. But I know that if I was a foster kid, it would be on my mind if I became available for adoption. Nothing is more important to me than making my foster kid feel like the most loved person in the whole wide world. They can always call me or come to me if they need problems, even after they leave.
I know that if I adopt, I would have to stop fostering. But how do I explain to a kid that they are the most loved person in all their universe yet I can't keep them? How do you have these conversations regarding adoption? How do you make them feel comfortable and loved?
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Max Sawyer
But how do I explain to a kid that they are the most loved person in all their universe yet I can't keep them? How do you have these conversations regarding adoption? How do you make them feel comfortable and loved?
Max -- you play an important role in the Foster Care system. What you do is offer a temporary home for kids who need to learn love, acceptance and how to be a family.
My suggestion would be to tell them just that. You're here to give them the skills they need to make sure they have a successful relationship with their forever family. Be honest. Kids are resilient and they will appreciate that you are doing what your doing. It may not seem like it now, as they hurt when they have to leave your loving home, but over time, they will come to appreciate the effort you put in to making them a better person.
I'll bet you'll end up with a host of well-adjusted adults who will have you to thank for the guidance!
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I have had people throughout my life that have been very positive and influential even though they weren't around for very long. Think of it more as quality over quantity. Kids in foster care need a place that is stable to grow and learn. It doesn't have to last forever.
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Max Sawyer
This has been on my mind lately. I'm very young and head of a company - adoption is unrealistic for me at the moment. Maybe in ten years or so, but even then I want to foster because I want to give as many kids the family they need. But I know that if I was a foster kid, it would be on my mind if I became available for adoption. Nothing is more important to me than making my foster kid feel like the most loved person in the whole wide world. They can always call me or come to me if they need problems, even after they leave.
I know that if I adopt, I would have to stop fostering. But how do I explain to a kid that they are the most loved person in all their universe yet I can't keep them? How do you have these conversations regarding adoption? How do you make them feel comfortable and loved?
I don’t know if there is a cookie cutter answer and I would ask you to consider what would be the limiting factor of fostering after adopting? Is it a space availability issue, or the additional time commitments of the foster care system? Is it just that you are not ready to settle down and have a family yet or give the permenance that is needed long term? Identifying these issues, might help in how you address that question and may also help you identify what type of resource adult you might be for youth in foster care. I think the way a foster parent approaches care when fostering may be slightly different if they don’t expect to adopt , but then some children may need something less permenant also so having children who are expected to be able to have reunification or be adopted by kin may be a better fit. If you truly feel you are not the best family structure for a child long term, then telling them that you love them and will always care about them, but that you don’t want to be selfish by not giving them the opportunity to have a family more suitable for the rest of their lives, but only if you truly feel this way because kids will see it as just another line if this is not truly your motivation.
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