How to tell your child they're adopted

I've always been of the opinion that adoption needs to be a discussion that takes place from the very beginning. I don't think that there needs to be some 'big age appropriate reveal" -- if the child knows from very early (say, you talk about adoption and the birth parents) from the get go -- there is no emotional 'trauma' of the reveal. It's just part of their story. Make adoption a topic that is openly and eagerly discussed. Answer questions, talk about it, involve everyone (if an open adoption) -- and the child will grow up knowing their story from as early as they can remember.That's how it was for me. There was no 'big serious discussion" -- P and S were always just a part of the family, they were 'other family members' involved in my life. I even spent weekends at their house from time to time. There was nothing odd or weird about it -- it just *was*. Of course, my situation was ideal for me and may not be for every family.

From before I can remember I knew I was adopted. My parents told me I was their 'chosen' baby. I have seen that word getting a lot of flack lately. I really don't see the problem. People can really get offended by anything these days. I didn't grow up feeling entitled. I never felt like I needed to thank my parents for saving me. It was never like that. It was an innocent way for them to talk to a toddler about the situation. Mom would say things like, "You grew in someone else's belly, but you were always in my heart." She would say, "I couldn't have babies, so God chose you for me."The topic never led to birds and bees questions. In fact I made the mistake of asking my mom where babies came from when I was 5. She was a nurse, so she went into details and drew diagrams. It really grossed me out. She probably could have said God put them there and that would have been sufficient.I am completely against waiting until the child is old enough to understand. When it's done that way it makes the child feel like it was a secret, and therefore a negative thing.

We are currently in the situation of our son being 6 1/2 and not knowing he's adopted. We never intended waiting this long to tell him, I guess we thought he would have started asking questions before now but he hasn't. The thing is this summer we did notice other kids looking in disbelief when he said we are his parents(we're caucasian, he's AA). He still never batted an eyelid and looked at them weird because they seemed to wonder how that was possible. Anyway, we need to tell him soon, but I'm confused how to explain 'why' his birth mom placed him for adoption. She simply hadn't intended getting pregnant and her youngest at the time was almost a teenager so she didn't feel able to start over with a newborn. I don't feel a 6 year old needs or is ready to hear that but then I'm stuck with what to say. So I would love to hear how others have told their kids and what they told them.

I honestly think you need to make it a priority. I would not sit him down to talk to him. The next time you see a pregnant woman, you should open the conversation. You don't need to get into details with him. And he really won't give much thought to his birth mom at that age because you are all he has known. I would just tell him that she wanted a better life for him than she was able to give at the time. Then you answer his questions, age-appropriately as they come up. The key is to make it not a big deal. And let him know as he gets older that it's ok to wonder and inquire about his birth family, although he may not.