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Obviously it's different for everyone, but the majority of adoptees I have talked with that were kept a secret haven't been too happy about it. I feel like secrets just create shame about adoption which isn't healthy. However, I see the other side as well. Especially if the birth mothers family were abusive or very judgemental. I wouldn't tell my family if I knew I would be cut off or treated badly.
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I found a first cousin through a DNA test. After contacting him through email, he did some investigation on his end since he was not aware of any adoptions in the family. He ended up having lunch with my birth mother to talk to her about it. After the initial denial, she admitted to him that she had me and told her mother (the only one in the family that knew she was pregnant) that I had been stillborn. She ended up marrying my father and I have 2 brothers. Problem is she/they do not want to meet me or tell the family about me. At first I was okay with this. I did not want to disturb her life. But it hurts to be rejected again and especially now that I know I have brothers. I met my cousin for dinner but he has not told my parents. Would it be wrong for me to send a card to them and request meeting them?
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