Hurtful comments

There are always going to be people with different opinions. One of the most important things to remember is that "Your" adoption stories/opinions are just yours. There are going to be people (pregnant women, birth mothers, adoptive parents, hopeful adoptive parents, adoptees) that disagree with you. Some may share your opinions, others may not. In the end, there will likely be a match, because what is right for you, may not be right for them.While you did outline your thoughts on the matter -- I'd be willing to bet that there are other birthmothers out there who think something totally different than you. I remember thinking (because remember, open adoption has been a part of my story and my life for over 40 years) that it was INSANE that there were birth parents that still wanted NO CONTACT. That there were adoptive parents who wanted minimal to no contact and there were adoptees that never wanted and will never want to know information about their birth families. But, that's my story. There is no 'one size fits all' in adoption -- so what's right (and moral and makes total sense) to you may be totally off base for someone else. I think we tend to think of our own experiences as the 'gold standard' and forget that there are a whole host of people out in the world that have very different feelings, thoughts and experiences on the matter. I always try to keep an open mind and if I come across someone who has a different opinion than I do on any topic, I listen and I hope they listen to me -- in the end, it's okay that we don't agree, as long as we BOTH understand that we have valid experiences and our experiences are our own. It's tough in adoption, because you can see the potential for possible backlash/damage/hurt -- but for every birth parent that has a desire for a fully open and honest adoption, there is one that wants no contact or very minimal contact and you have to be okay with them both being correct, based on their feelings.

Hi Annaleece!I actually read your article about this yesterday and saw some of the negative comments. I agree with Brandy that everyone has their own opinions about adoption. When my husband and I started the process, I did not want to adopt domestically because of all of the negative things I heard about birth moms/dads trying to take their birth children back and how difficult it was to have a relationship with birth parents. I think that some people are uneducated about what it means to have an open adoption, like I was, and feel strongly about that. They may have those stories on their minds and when they read the things you wrote, they may have been thinking those negative things about birth moms. I do not think it means they will be bad parents, I just think they will need to be educated. I feel like a birth mom will know if they feel this way because it is pretty hard to hide those type of feelings! After being in the international process for over 15 months and doing research the ENTIRE time about domestic and international adoption, I have changed my mind and heart about domestic infant adoption. My hope for people is that they too will do more research and become more educated! I am hoping to adopt domestically next time around! Do not be discouraged. Keep writing and posting about adoption and what it means to you. You never know how much your story may mean to others!

Just understand that it's not you. You could say that the sky is blue and clouds are fluffy and someone, somewhere would argue with you. I got some rude comments on the very first article I wrote. The truth is everyone has a right to there own thoughts and feelings, and we can't take it personally. I'm working on a blog post now that is probably going to illicit criticism. Just take it with a grain of salt and vent if you need to. We are here for you.