Baby showers

Adopting and having a baby shower can be very awkward. There are a lot of options- having a shower after baby comes home, having a shower before and inviting the potential birth mom, or keeping it private. My birth daughter's parents didn't tell me about their baby shower, and I was upset at first. Thinking back, inviting me to the shower might have made me feel obligated to place had I changed my mind, so it's more ethical that they didn't. What do you think is the best way to handle baby showers when you're adopting?