adopting and worrying about effects of seperation

November 26, 2017

We are from Rsbg Oregon and in the process of adopting our great nephew. We have had him since he was 7 weeks old and he is currently 20 months old. We are nearing the end to complete the adoption. I think about the fact all the time he is separated from three sisters and one brother. We took him when he was 8 months to meet his siblings. Things seem to go very good till my sister in law the bio grandma decided to research things on my facebook and decided to write the other family. From then on out things became not good. The adopted parents of the other siblings backed out on wanting contact with our soon to be adopted son. They did not want to adopt him, they had no room for him. I tend to worry if this other couple stops his older siblings from not ever seeing him how later in life can we handle the trauama of it if any. Please could I have feedback please. I want to be the best mom I can for him and take care of when he does have questions. We will soon also be getting another sibling his birth mom is pregnant with again.

Well he will likely have questions. However, if you are able to at least raise him with oe sibling, that may at least give some small measure of normal sibling bonding. Did you take any photos of him and the other children playing together? If so, saving them for putting in his life book or saving them for when he is older if you decide to discuss it at a later point in his life as he should be told that he has other siblings, but depending on the situation, there may be a time that is better for telling him or waiting until he is old enough to understand. Sometimes, knowing a person’s name and that they live some place else is enough for children and they undstand that until older. Other times it can be a source of sorrow. Has the family of the oldster siblings already completed adoption? If not, they may fear that you will want to take kinship care of the older siblings,which would cause them to be more reluctant to have contact. It may also be. Matter of how the older siblings reacted to (or acted out after) seeing him. Have you tried to find out from them what caused the change and try to do what you can to enable them to assure the best interests of the children they are raising as well as the ones you will be raising? Some families are ok with play dates as long as the sibling connection is not discussed as they are trying to build their own family bonds. Hope. That may help you find what is best for your little fella!