Advertisements
I've watched the Ancestry DNA over-scripted, perfect, (and always middle class) families "meeting" in love and harmony in the commercials... and wanting to throw a shoe at the screen. In my heart I KNOW it can't be that way for a great % of reunions. Sure there is a honeymoon period, then hard work of learning about everyone.
The dirty secret is there are also neglectful, unfit parents who lost their children for a good reason, and for those birth families to hide and gloss over 'what really happened' a long time ago. The searcher has NO idea about bad news they are going to learn.
But it is terribly unfair, as the "findee", that no one wants to 'open old wounds', but wants ME to quickly accept them all and move on. No one questions why their mother suddenly decided to adopt out her oldest while they were busy being born? Really? You didn't ask at 20,30, at 40, or before relatives passed on? And I am not allowed to ask or dig for truths that I NEED before I can 'party' with them all.
I now have every adult either mad at me, disliking me thoroughly for my words and opinions (I've been told off in emails twice) because these people BELIEVED the fairytale DNA commercials!! And NEVER thought through hard questions. Assuming I would be just as willing to meet -after no warning or preparation- did not help! Or that I would be ANYTHING like them in worldview, cultural attitudes, politics, religion, anything. If only our eyes and hair match, with zero history, that's really slim.
Now they are stuck knowing me, and maybe not wanting to!
The searchers also have different life views, are often defensive, evasive, disrespectful....but somehow it was my responsibility to meet their imaginings of a happy family reunion? I need closure; if I am not allowed to speak, and we all tough it out to the truth, then I am happy to go back to the peace I had to begin with.
Not sure anyone has wisdom for me. But am open to thoughts. I had to back off and get a reprieve from the stress on me, no one liked that either!
Like
Share