Dear Loving Adoptive Parents, from an adopted adult, THANK YOU

Dear Potential Adoptive Parents:I am an adult adoptee. Thank you for being willing to open your home and your heart.I have to tell you something. Something very important that I need you to understand.There is only one creature on the planet that imprints. Only one creature on the planet that believes that the first thing they see is it's mom.That creature is a bird.Humans come with cords attached, a history, their own ancestry, and existence 9 months inside another person. That person is that child's first emotional attachment.If you choose to adopt please respect these facts. You may need to mourn your inability to have that utero connection with someone. You will have to assist your child in dealing with how he or she feels about the connection they shared with another person before you.It's complicated. It's messy. But it's worth it. If the joy of holding that baby doesn't outweigh having to share the title of parents then don't adopt. I love my parents both sets. Asking me not to love a single one of them is asking me to deny my own identity.Let me end the nature versus nurture debate: it's both. If you're willing to admit this and have complete transparency about everything from the start you're ready to adopt.Having multiple people surround a child with love isn't confusing. Kids understand that better than adults. Secrets, lies, and statements like “we left you forever because we love you” are very confusing not only for kids but for adults as well.If you are open, if you don't add shame or guilt to this … then whatever issue your child has he or she can work through it without worrying about how it affects you.And the likelihood that he or she will have issues regarding trauma is high. It is also possible that he or she will believe that telling you about their pain would hurt you. Your happy kid may really be happy. They may also be putting on a mask to prevent rejection.You don't adopt a person the way you do a bird. As long as you acknowledge this you will be fine.