Why are you searching?

October 3, 2019

My adult adopted son is looking for his birth mom. I asked him why he was looking but he couldn’t tell me. Why are many adoptees so interested in finding their birth mom? My son loved his adoptive mom so much before this. Why look for his birth mom? I know he has a biological half sister as well. I hope that finding his birth mom and biological sister does not impact his relationship with his adopted sister.

I know it's been a few months but maybe you'll see this anyways. Can I first ask why you say he 'loved' his adoptive mom before this? Does he no longer love her? And assuming he was adopted after birth what exactly is the 'before this' you mention? As an adoptee I can tell you my longing to know my birth family had absolutely nothing at all to do with my adoptive family. It's a desire many of us have from as early as we can remember... and most of us don't mention it much while we're young out of fear of hurting you. At 43 years old I've found not only my birth parents but 10 birth siblings who I now have a great relationship with, all while still feeling exactly the same about my adoptive family with the exception of my adoptive mom because she feels the way you do and refuses to accept it. I don't even call them my adoptive family, I call them my life family. I have a birth family and a life family. I don't understand why it has to be one or the other, is your son not capable of loving or knowing multiple people? If anything my find has actually strengthened the bond between me and many of my adoptive family members... those that support me anyway.

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Sharon McKechnie and Charree Bartholow like this.