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I am the older sister of a foster child. I'm in college and live at home with my mother, brother, my foster sister and my foster sister's baby.
When my mom had the idea to have foster children, I thought she was crazy but I was neutral about the entire thing. I thought it would help them, and I thought they would be happier even though they had children as young teenagers. Never did I know that after three foster children (lets call them Lisa, Jess, and Sadie for right now) that I can officially say that I am sick and tired of these kids and want to act like the foster care system doesn't exist, but I kept quiet.
My peaceful abode that I lived in where everything was completely normal was turned outside down. We had Lisa removed, not because she was a moderate child, but because my mother's job requires her to travel, she also was neglecting her child, and Lisa was disrespectfully sneaking boys into the house to sleep with them. We also got into arguments and her child was becoming an out of control brat (forgive me, he was only a baby and I understand that). My mom let her go even though my mom actually picked her out and would've dealt with her if Jess wasn't following in her footsteps- Jess got to stay- and mom kept up with Lisa because she cared about her.
Then Sadie came, Sadie wasn't a teenager with a baby, she was a adolescent like my brother. The first day she was there I already had the idea that something was... off. She didn't act like my brother, who acted older than his age, she acted like a little kid. It wasn't that however, it was the fact she was a compulsive liar. The first day she came to our house we asked Sadie about her family and her mother- she told us that her boyfriend set her on fire. We quickly believed her because she came from a foster home that didn't want her. She had severe eczema that covered her body and cysts on the back of her legs... and she was only in the system a couple of months before she came to us. Her caseworker never met my mother and never had any attempt to, in fact she looked only a couple of years older than me. The head of our foster care house asked mom to take her for a favor. Shortly after she got there we realized that something was genuinely wrong with her, she wasn't the typical foster kid. She would lie about any and everything, her mother was never set on fire- she was bipolar and schizophrenic, but not burned. Sadie informed us she likes to eat and that was fine until we realized that no one would have food because she ate it all from the fridge or the pantry. My mom was traveling a lot at the time so I was the primary caregiver for Jess, her son, my brother, and Sadie. Sadie was one who talked a lot about nothing, like a child, and I wasn't used to that. Then, she started coming home dealing with her friends at school, I knew she was considered an outsider and most likely bullied from when we had long talks because she'd ask for them. I realized that I had something in common with this child when it came to that. I tried to give her my advice, as I had already lived through the middle school and high school relations with children- but they just got worse from there. She started having random lash outs and crying about how she missed her family and how her friends are terrible. She called her sister (who ran away from her foster home) to try and convince her to come over to our house to try and fight Jess and I. I would try to give her more advice even after this but finally I was stressed out to the point that I would dissociate every time she talked to me. Finally a counselor came and she told them that she was beating on Jess's child. None of us had any idea and Jess obviously wasn't too happy about it. We didn't believe her, as Jess's child never showed signs of Sadie beating on him, but CPS obviously isn't going to take this lightly. We were under investigation, and soon it from my mother being neglectful (as she was traveling for work, and she already informed them that she would be) to me being an abuser. Sadie also told them I would bully and pick on her, and they investigated my mother, Jess, and my brother to see if I was actually beating on Sadie- I never laid a hand on that child. Soon after, while we were under investigation Sadie ran away and we searched everywhere for her with the police. We found her at one of local restaurants looking for a phone and telling the people (and the police when they got there) that she was ready to commit suicide. She was sent to a mental hospital, and we never saw her again. A couple of months later she reached out to Jess at her new placement asking if she could ask my mom if she wanted to come back and everything she said was a lie. My mother quickly declined and I had a few choice words to her.
Jess was the last one, Jess still currently lives at home with us even though there is a 30 day notice put on her. My mom got Jess first, and Jess, although we done the most for her, is manipulative, spiteful, and unambitious to do anything other than use others. Her mother was a prostitute and a crack addict and her father was a crack addict and a thief. Jess has two other siblings, but they live with her grandmother and they also share the same traits as their parents. Out off all the girls Jess and I are nothing alike, and the only thing that keeps us talking to each other is the fact she lives with us and her son- I've grown attached to her son... I love him to death like he's my own. He's the only toddler I'd ever get attached to as I don't want children and I know I will never feel the same love as I feel right now. Everyone around me knows this, friends, family, and CPS. A counselor even said that Jess and I need to take parenting classes together because we both are heavily involved in her son's life. At time though she uses this as a pawn. When she's in her spiteful moods she lashes out on my brother (the baby and my brother play around and the baby has mastered fake crying) and I get in the middle because neither one of them are hurting for each other. That's when she wants to take him away from me, but any other time- eating, diaper change, playtime, walks around the neighborhood, and sometimes sleeping- I am alone and the only one taking care of him. Out of all of the girls Jess makes me want to push her into traffic for as selfish as she is. I get being a teenager, as I am one, but I also know the difference between us and her son is only a toddler that needs to know that she cares enough to take care of him. She always made the point of saying that she wanted her son because her sister had a baby and she got a lot of attention and she wanted the same attention, she also wanted her baby to love her and only her... no one else. Ever. That was fine until she met me... now, she sees him as a betrayal, and will barely take care of him. She ignores feeding him, won't change his diaper, and would rather be on the phone hustling people out of stuff for her own personal gain that play with her son- that's my job. My mother has always believed on giving people a chance and giving them opportunities to do better, all my mother gets is disrespect from her every time she's tried. It angers me... completely angers me because I sit there and think that her son is going to be just like her because she won't grow up. He will be the stereotype because she doesn't care. Its easy to know that she doesn't want to get better, she doesn't want better either... she's using us. She can go from calling my mom "mom" to calling her "Lady or Miss" one time we got into an argument and any other time she calls me "sister" but her words to me when we fought can't be put on the forum. My mom finally got tired of her after a year and a half and put in the 30 day notice. Her lawyer and caseworker see this as a loss, as they believed my mom was the only hope for her and Jess put on her fake face to talk my mom into keeping her, to which my mom told her the reasons why and she gave her the same vacant expression when she doesn't listen to her which made me want to finally snap and hurt her. The biggest pain in my heart isn't for her, as I could careless to what happens to her, but for her son. I hope she loses him to CPS right now. She doesn't deserve that boy, and knowing her I'll probably never see him again, and wish I didn't get attached as I did because it would've saved me some pain.
I lashed out at my mother today out of all of this, all of the anger I had building up from all of these kids and losing Jess's son was the icing on the cake. I'm slowly trying to numb these feelings like I usually do and I apologized to her, but right now I plan on acting like none of these people never existed. I shouldn't feel like this, as they are damaged kids, but forgive me... I am only a teenager myself. I don't do well with emotions or getting attached... I believed I loved too hard, and this is a business where you can't do that. I planned on being a foster parent as I got older, but... I don't think I could handle it.
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It's called acting out. Imagine if you were ripped from the only home you knew. If you weren't on board, your mother did a disservice to them. They need to know they're loved, not that they're disposable.
Karielle Cyrus
I am the older sister of a foster child. I'm in college and live at home with my mother, brother, my foster sister and my foster sister's baby.
When my mom had the idea to have foster children, I thought she was crazy but I was neutral about the entire thing. I thought it would help them, and I thought they would be happier even though they had children as young teenagers. Never did I know that after three foster children (lets call them Lisa, Jess, and Sadie for right now) that I can officially say that I am sick and tired of these kids and want to act like the foster care system doesn't exist, but I kept quiet.
My peaceful abode that I lived in where everything was completely normal was turned outside down. We had Lisa removed, not because she was a moderate child, but because my mother's job requires her to travel, she also was neglecting her child, and Lisa was disrespectfully sneaking boys into the house to sleep with them. We also got into arguments and her child was becoming an out of control brat (forgive me, he was only a baby and I understand that). My mom let her go even though my mom actually picked her out and would've dealt with her if Jess wasn't following in her footsteps- Jess got to stay- and mom kept up with Lisa because she cared about her.
Then Sadie came, Sadie wasn't a teenager with a baby, she was a adolescent like my brother. The first day she was there I already had the idea that something was... off. She didn't act like my brother, who acted older than his age, she acted like a little kid. It wasn't that however, it was the fact she was a compulsive liar. The first day she came to our house we asked Sadie about her family and her mother- she told us that her boyfriend set her on fire. We quickly believed her because she came from a foster home that didn't want her. She had severe eczema that covered her body and cysts on the back of her legs... and she was only in the system a couple of months before she came to us. Her caseworker never met my mother and never had any attempt to, in fact she looked only a couple of years older than me. The head of our foster care house asked mom to take her for a favor. Shortly after she got there we realized that something was genuinely wrong with her, she wasn't the typical foster kid. She would lie about any and everything, her mother was never set on fire- she was bipolar and schizophrenic, but not burned. Sadie informed us she likes to eat and that was fine until we realized that no one would have food because she ate it all from the fridge or the pantry. My mom was traveling a lot at the time so I was the primary caregiver for Jess, her son, my brother, and Sadie. Sadie was one who talked a lot about nothing, like a child, and I wasn't used to that. Then, she started coming home dealing with her friends at school, I knew she was considered an outsider and most likely bullied from when we had long talks because she'd ask for them. I realized that I had something in common with this child when it came to that. I tried to give her my advice, as I had already lived through the middle school and high school relations with children- but they just got worse from there. She started having random lash outs and crying about how she missed her family and how her friends are terrible. She called her sister (who ran away from her foster home) to try and convince her to come over to our house to try and fight Jess and I. I would try to give her more advice even after this but finally I was stressed out to the point that I would dissociate every time she talked to me. Finally a counselor came and she told them that she was beating on Jess's child. None of us had any idea and Jess obviously wasn't too happy about it. We didn't believe her, as Jess's child never showed signs of Sadie beating on him, but CPS obviously isn't going to take this lightly. We were under investigation, and soon it from my mother being neglectful (as she was traveling for work, and she already informed them that she would be) to me being an abuser. Sadie also told them I would bully and pick on her, and they investigated my mother, Jess, and my brother to see if I was actually beating on Sadie- I never laid a hand on that child. Soon after, while we were under investigation Sadie ran away and we searched everywhere for her with the police. We found her at one of local restaurants looking for a phone and telling the people (and the police when they got there) that she was ready to commit suicide. She was sent to a mental hospital, and we never saw her again. A couple of months later she reached out to Jess at her new placement asking if she could ask my mom if she wanted to come back and everything she said was a lie. My mother quickly declined and I had a few choice words to her.
Jess was the last one, Jess still currently lives at home with us even though there is a 30 day notice put on her. My mom got Jess first, and Jess, although we done the most for her, is manipulative, spiteful, and unambitious to do anything other than use others. Her mother was a prostitute and a crack addict and her father was a crack addict and a thief. Jess has two other siblings, but they live with her grandmother and they also share the same traits as their parents. Out off all the girls Jess and I are nothing alike, and the only thing that keeps us talking to each other is the fact she lives with us and her son- I've grown attached to her son... I love him to death like he's my own. He's the only toddler I'd ever get attached to as I don't want children and I know I will never feel the same love as I feel right now. Everyone around me knows this, friends, family, and CPS. A counselor even said that Jess and I need to take parenting classes together because we both are heavily involved in her son's life. At time though she uses this as a pawn. When she's in her spiteful moods she lashes out on my brother (the baby and my brother play around and the baby has mastered fake crying) and I get in the middle because neither one of them are hurting for each other. That's when she wants to take him away from me, but any other time- eating, diaper change, playtime, walks around the neighborhood, and sometimes sleeping- I am alone and the only one taking care of him. Out of all of the girls Jess makes me want to push her into traffic for as selfish as she is. I get being a teenager, as I am one, but I also know the difference between us and her son is only a toddler that needs to know that she cares enough to take care of him. She always made the point of saying that she wanted her son because her sister had a baby and she got a lot of attention and she wanted the same attention, she also wanted her baby to love her and only her... no one else. Ever. That was fine until she met me... now, she sees him as a betrayal, and will barely take care of him. She ignores feeding him, won't change his diaper, and would rather be on the phone hustling people out of stuff for her own personal gain that play with her son- that's my job. My mother has always believed on giving people a chance and giving them opportunities to do better, all my mother gets is disrespect from her every time she's tried. It angers me... completely angers me because I sit there and think that her son is going to be just like her because she won't grow up. He will be the stereotype because she doesn't care. Its easy to know that she doesn't want to get better, she doesn't want better either... she's using us. She can go from calling my mom "mom" to calling her "Lady or Miss" one time we got into an argument and any other time she calls me "sister" but her words to me when we fought can't be put on the forum. My mom finally got tired of her after a year and a half and put in the 30 day notice. Her lawyer and caseworker see this as a loss, as they believed my mom was the only hope for her and Jess put on her fake face to talk my mom into keeping her, to which my mom told her the reasons why and she gave her the same vacant expression when she doesn't listen to her which made me want to finally snap and hurt her. The biggest pain in my heart isn't for her, as I could careless to what happens to her, but for her son. I hope she loses him to CPS right now. She doesn't deserve that boy, and knowing her I'll probably never see him again, and wish I didn't get attached as I did because it would've saved me some pain.
I lashed out at my mother today out of all of this, all of the anger I had building up from all of these kids and losing Jess's son was the icing on the cake. I'm slowly trying to numb these feelings like I usually do and I apologized to her, but right now I plan on acting like none of these people never existed. I shouldn't feel like this, as they are damaged kids, but forgive me... I am only a teenager myself. I don't do well with emotions or getting attached... I believed I loved too hard, and this is a business where you can't do that. I planned on being a foster parent as I got older, but... I don't think I could handle it.
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