I recently got in contact with my adoption agency to trace my mom. unfortunately, she has rejected contact and won't release even any general information about herself. I can't describe the pain that this causes me. Although the adoption has always caused me pain and upset, i always believed that once I picked up the courage to contact her, I would feel so much relief but instead this has caused the opposite. I am so beyond broken. I feel like this heart break is going to be with me forever. I feel like my world has shattered around me. I know people get over heart break from their partners, but it is so different when it is your mother. I feel so alone and so unloved and so worthless. I don't know how I could be 50% of someone, but would still do anything to be loved by this woman who is causing me all this upset. It has been 4 months since finding out this news. I have good days but also plenty of bad days. I just wish I had a date to look forward to when I would finally be ok with this and forget about it and be happy, but the uncertainty and thoughts of feeling like this forever and never being able to cope with this really scare me. I am 24
I am sorry you feel this defeated. I am going through something similar except my birth mom comes and goes causing more abandonment and I decided she never wanted to know me and I should accept that. I am 28 I found my birth family 2 years ago and I am still struggling too with my decision to reach out.
Hi Melanie, I am very sorry for what happened to you. I think you really need to speak with someone about this because sometimes both biological parents and adoptees really need to understand that they may not have the same needs and desires. You may feel heartbroken but I don't think you'd feel much better if your birth mom decided to have contact with you simply because she felt obligated to but really didn't want to. It's something that you will have to accept and based on what you said, it will not change.
I am on the other side. I was adopted and found my birth father totally by accident. I won't reveal how on here for fear that someone in his family might read this, let's just say we look very much alike and randomly bumped into each other. Within a few months of figuring out who he was, I had cousins, half siblings and other relatives wanting to meet me. I felt guilty and kind of went with it. But the bottom line is I had no desire to find my biological family and although they seem nice, even now, 10 years later, I really don't want any contact with them.
It bothered the hell out of me when my bio dad would say this is your cousin or try to teach me something about his language or culture saying that your half "this". To me, my identify, ethnicity, culture and other characteristics are that of my adoptive family. Luckily my bio dad is not reliable at all so I don't hear from him very often. I have had to cancel all of my social media accounts due to "cousins" and others adding me as a friend. I don't dislike any of my bio relatives but I don't really care to have any contact with them nor do I want my children to see them as relatives.
The first few years I got a lot of invites to parties and reunions but since I ignored my bio family they have pretty much left me alone. I have no ill will towards them but I don't feel anything towards them either. It's just a genetic connection and that's all. Maybe because I had a strong positive childhood, I don't know. I honestly tried to connect with them but the feeling just wasn't there. I don't know why. So please understand, that your bio mom might not feel the same way that you do. It's probably tough but you have to get through it.
Ask yourself why some people really don't care to find their bio families while others look for them and even go on talk shows. Are they actually seeking some form of happiness and think only their bio family can make them happy. Maybe, Melanie, it's not your bio family you are really looking for, maybe you're just sad for another reason and want to fill that void. Obviously, you feel some sort of rejection. They way I look at it is that your bio parents are responsible for creating your body but who you really are comes from your upbrining.