Advice needed on adoption

Originally Posted By joanieMe and my husband meet in May 98 and one month later i was pregnant well two months later his previous girlfriend called his grandmother and said she was eight months pregnant. Well anyways it was just hear say he called her and she said at first she had lost it and then she said it belong to another man. Well at this time i was about four months pregnant so we figured if it was his she would bring him in for blood test and then we would take it from their. Well he was not brung in untill she was eight months old well then he said he wantedthe other guy tested to since she said it was his. So we never heard anything untill she was 13 months old to set up child support. Well she didnt like what she was getting so it drug on untill Feb. of 2000 at this time she was 17 months old so we filed for visitation which she was against at first then she let us see her one time and then her and her new husband filed a petition for an adoption and they won even though my husband had been paying support buy they said he hadnt had enough contact with her so they let the step-father adopt. Well now its a year later and she is three years old and now the birthmom is writing us wanting us to start seeing her. My question is would this be a good theing since we wouldnt have any legal rights to her. What if my husband got close to his daughter and then she didnt want him to see her anymore. She said she would give him joint-custody can she do that and her adopted by another man. And would this be to much for a three year old to handle. Thanks for any anwers i get.