I am new here. I would like to start off with a little backstory...
My siblings and I were placed in the foster care system, I was 7 years old at the time of initial removal from the home. We were removed due to the fact that our biological mother was a neglectful alcoholic. For years she was in and out of rehab facilities, had many relapses. After three years of being in and out of the foster care system, I was 10 years old, was ultimately placed up for adoption. My twin brother and I went to one home, and the other two siblings went a different home together. We had a closed adoption so after the adoption was finalized, we had absolutely no contact with our biological mother. After being adopted it was like our previous lives did not exist. We moved on from there. I feel my adoptive parents might have seen this is the best way to move forward. At the time, I was young and did not want to dwell any longer, and sort of felt like I shouldn't dwell on it. Fast forward 10 years, my biological mother died. When I learned this fact, I was distraught for a few hours and moved on. My adoptive family never spoke about it, we addressed it very vaguely and moved on. Now, we fast forward to today. I am 28, and recently engaged. I have found the man of my dreams. He accepts me for me. All of me. As I continue to get older I am finding that reaching these types of milestones in life I am sort of missing something. I start to think that when we have children how they will not have a biological grandparent from me, do they deserve that? I feel guilty...almost. I also find myself missing my biological mother...a lot. Not her physically but the relationship a daughter and mother are supposed to have. My mother through adoption and I have never really created that bond and it breaks my heart. I want this bond, and have tried really hard to create it, but it's just not there. I feel like I cant open up to my mother through adoption simply because I do not want to hurt her feelings. I do love her so much and I really do appreciate everything she has done for me and my twin brother.
Bottom line, I am looking to see if any other adult adoptees have had similar feelings with missing biological relationships?
Thank you for taking the time to read!