Hi everyone - new to the group here.
So I am currently 26 and was adopted when I was born. My birth mom was 16 and didn't know she was pregnant until she had me. I have an open adoption and have seen pictures of my birth mom coming around until I was around 6. After that, there has been no contact, however, I still do have a relationship with my birth grandparents.
But, they have stated that my birth mom doesn't like them having a relationship with me, so it's done in secret. I guess my birth mom is embarrassed or ashamed of having me, so the only people that know I exist are my birth grandparents, my birth mom, and her sister. My birth mom's husband doesn't know about me. So that's the background.
Lately, I can't stop thinking about this. I have always known I was adopted, and my adoptive parents are amazing and have always been willing to talk to or comfort me about it. I have no issues in that regard with support. HOWEVER, as of recently, I'm wondering if being adopted and knowing what I know, is affecting me in odd ways.
Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I am from Chicago, and three years ago, I moved abroad. I don't consider Chicago my home and was searching for something else. I live in Vietnam now, but I don't love it here either. I feel so lost. I feel like I don't have a home anywhere, and I don't feel like I ever will find a home that I love with people I love. I'm scared out of my mind about letting someone in... I mean, if my own mom didn't want me, and doesn't really any anything to do with me, why would anyone else?
Is anyone else feeling this way, or is this a common thing, feeling like I don't know who I am? I don't resemble my adoptive parents, and I'm unsure if I am more like my birth mom? Its been weighing on my mind lately. I just need help. I feel like I'm going crazy? Any thoughts would be appreciated! :)