Hi there,
My name is Sascha. I’m a 28-year old transgender woman of colour from South Africa.
I am reaching out for help online as a last resort.
I am in desperate need of a loving family that can support my healing journey and allow me to be myself. My mom committed suicide when I was 11 due to untreated Bipolar I Disorder, my father was abusive, and I grew up living with my gran who has lupus and my grandfather who was an alcoholic.
I am the first person in my immediate family to obtain an undergraduate degree, which I achieved Cum Laude whilst working 4 part time jobs across 3 timezones. However, my relentless pursuit of taking care of myself has resulted in burnout, cognitive and physical decline.
I have been suicidal to varying degrees since high school, but last year it reached a peak. I suffered a debilitating meltdown which caused me to lose my romantic relationship, and eventually my job. I lost the ability to take care of myself and currently I am being looked after by my current partner and two close friends. I asked the three of them if they could please reach out to friends and family on my behalf, to get me the support that I need - I understand that they are not able to provide the support on their own. It has been equally heart-wrenching to hear that most people (even from my own extended family) did not respond.
My debilitating nervous system dysregulation (due to trauma) is preventing me from living a normal, healthy life, and I am not in a position to take care of myself, nor can I depend on my friends and biological family for help. My childhood has made it difficult to ask for help - how can one expect help from others when it is unsafe to ask one’s own family for help?
Despite that, I know that I am worthy of love and support - I just haven’t known where to find it.
I want to be able to feel safe in my own body. I want to be able to feel safe in my own home. I want to be able to feel safe asking for help and support. I want to be able to enjoy life.
Please feel free to reach out. Any support is welcome and needed <3