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I really would love some advice. Long post.
It's been almost two months since the adoption reunion. Right now just phone calls, messages and video chatting and I’m still processing the whirlwind of emotions. What a rollercoaster ride this has been. I thought I was prepared, but nothing could have readied me for how I’d feel—so happy to see my husband reconnecting, finding parts of himself through these new family members. But it’s been so much more complicated than that.
At first, I wanted to embrace them, to love them for his sake. But then came the sting. The love, the attention, the joy they bring him—it all feels so... overwhelming. They seem to bring out a side of him that I haven't seen in so long, and while I should be happy for him, I feel left out. How quickly they’ve earned a space in his heart that I’ve been fighting to hold onto. And that hurts.
We’ve had so many arguments—more than I can count—over little things and big things. There have been so many tears and apologies, and yet, it feels like we keep falling into the same cycle. I’ve tried to be supportive, tried to show him that I’m here for him. But as I do that, I feel this rising need to protect him, too—protect him from being hurt by this new family, or maybe just protect myself from being pushed further away.
Before all of this, there were issues between us that I had wanted to work on for so long—issues I’ve buried just to keep the peace. And now, they’re bubbling to the surface, and I don’t know how to manage them while everything feels so raw. I’ve been yearning for more intimacy, more attention, long before this reunion. It’s like I’ve been standing on the sidelines for months, asking for more, only to watch him pour all this energy and joy into people I barely know.
It makes me feel... neglected. Like I’m not as important, not as needed. And yet, I want so badly to be the amazing, supportive wife I know he needs right now. I want to be happy for him, to feel the excitement and connection he feels, but there’s this ache inside me that won’t go away. I hate that I can’t just let go and be thrilled for him. Why can’t I just sit back and share in his happiness? Why is it so emotionally confusing?
I keep telling myself that this will pass, that things will settle. But right now, I feel like I’m constantly torn between loving him, wanting the best for him, and struggling with my own sense of rejection.
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