To open of an open adoption

Originally Posted By neHi, I am new to all of this, as I am a prospective adoptive mom. I actually just came back from going to an orientation for open adoption, here in Canada. I can't try to understand how it feels for you, but I think it is very important for you to talk to your adoptive parents and let them know how you are feeling. Yes, I think there has to be bounderies between you two, but to keep the relationship honest, you should apologize for possibly overstepping yourself, and see things from their point of view. You have to know when it is time to back off, because you are not going to overcome your sadness by not seeing your child or talking to the A-parents. I would let your A-parents know you will try to back off a bit, but these parents may have a different view and help you with this. I don't think you should under-estimate them......good luck!

Originally Posted By BeckyI am a birth mother and the adoption is also an open adoption. My little girl is three years old now and trust me as time goes by, things will get easier. There will still be days that are hard and you will miss her terribly, but those days will pass and it will be o.k. again. It is good that you have a close relationship with the amom. I know that it makes me feel better about everything in my life everytime I talk to my little girls mom. I think that as long as you don't make it sound like you are asking them for money, it is fine that you stay close to them. If they are anything like the family that adopted my little girl, they are honered by the fact that you stay in touch. Now if you need to back off to deal with some of the emotions you are going through with the adoption,then maybe that would be best. I just know that it always helped me feel better and deal with emotions when I did talk to the aparents.

Originally Posted By RosieWhat a generious thing you have done in bringing your daughter into another families life. I am sure many things contributed to your decision, one of them may have been your support network. The afamily isn't the healthist place for you to develop one. build a foundation with others so you can lessen your involvment in their lives. That way, when your daughter is able to meet you as an adult, she will see a strong independent woman. You are well on your way.

Originally Posted By BethWhy do you have to let go of your family to get yourself and your financial affairs in order? I think I would let go of your counselor, and find a new one.

Originally Posted By openmamai have an open adoption- the child is now 9 years old. i have a good relationship with him and with his parents. i think very open adoptions can be good, as long as everyone communicates and stays on the same page.if you'd like to e-mail me and talk about it, the address is "schmern@hotmail.com"

Originally Posted By Amother of the same sisutationI have an open adoption with my birthmom also. She is a very lovely girl and i am extreamly close to her. At times i let her stop by and spend time with us. But she NEVER over steps her roll as simply a friend, If I feel uncomfortable with her actions i always tell her and she steps back she respects that I am the MOM and not her. As long as you are both upfornt and honest I think things will be ok. I do think you need to step back and let her make the moves not you.

Originally Posted By ZoieYour bond between the adoptive mom and you will be special..different than any other relationship.However, you do need to spend some time by yourself..working hard at achieving your own finacial freedom. Give them some space, and in return they will call you - and tell you how much they miss you and value you as a person. They need a little space to get to know their new family addition. Yea - the relationship changes..but only time can make it stronger. You will always be part of their life...so give them some space...and give yourself some time to heal. Find something (like a church group)... where you can go and spend time meeting new people in a QUALITY environment. Good luck - One birth mother to another

Originally Posted By CarolynIt's hard to let go. What do you want to achieve in your life? What is important for you to put your energy into now? Reach out for what you want and become the best you can be. Look for friends who share your vision and your dreams and can support you when you need it. Someday, that little girl will see you as a beautiful and happy woman who is her birth mother. Good luck!

Originally Posted By LisaJoey,What you are experiencing as a new birth mom is perfectly natural. Giving birth is a huge event, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And you have made it huger by placing your little girl with the family she belongs to. It sounds like you are aware of your own emotions and of appropriate boundaries. It takes time to sort it all, so don't stress yourself by worrying over it. Just notice and take notes to yourself. Take it one step at a time. If you don't feel ready to let go yet, just ease up a little bit, one day at a time. Maybe the next time you feel the need to call the a-mom, you could call a friend, or a relative you trust, or your counselor, or even go for a walk. Just make yourself do something different. You can do that. You are lucky to have such good support from the other mother of your baby. She is adjusting, too. You're in this for the long haul, so keep that in mind, and be thoughtful about how you handle the relationship. It will get better, I promise. Emotions are really high at first, especiallly for you, because you're dealing with huge hormonal stress, besides the emotion of placing your little girl. Hang in there! It's worth it. YOU are worth it. Be easy -- it will all work out OK.God bless, Lisa

Originally Posted By Saw'd OffI really think you need to let go too. Put yourself in the shoes of the AParents. Could they possibly fear you may change your mind and take the child away from them? They may be giving you everything you want because of this fear. Is it morally right to continue to string them along? This little girl will grow up and someday be confused as to your role and the AParent's role. Do you want to put confusion in this little girl's head? Or, allow the AParents to parent her and bring her up like the tremendous people they are? I ask you, what is morally right and fair?

Originally Posted By NewAre you an Amom or a bmom? Because if you had your own biological children you probably wouldn't say those things. And if you are an adoptive mom, you've got issues!!!! You are responding to someone who is in desperate need of advice, warm caring advice, and you don't know anything else about her or her situation to start discussing morals!

Originally Posted By laniDI have a open adopt to very new myself sep /01 I felt the same way it's one of those thing that slow down with time I felt botherd when they did not call as much or talk as much now thay do an im the busy one all give you my store just wite me at lanisworld@onebox.com or tommysworld@juno.com smile it works. lani

Originally Posted By JoeyThanks to all who responded to me. i've taken some time to think about everything and i came to the conclusion that i chose the adoptive parents for a reason-to be my daughter's parents. however, the a-mom and i became great friends and now i don't want to let that friendship go. but in order for her to do her job that was intended for her, i have too. so, i'm taking some time to get my life straightened out. i'm working part time and full time at two different places and starting classes soon at a local college. so for now i'm giving the a-parents a chance to get used to having an infant again and me the chance to get used to my new life. i will slowly start to incorporate them back into my life. we are very open with each other that helps big time. i'm no longer afraid to say what's on my mind. what i've done is taken my relationship with the adoptive family down a notch.thanks again to all that responed you helped me out.keep it coming. hugs,joey

Joey, as the adopting mom in an open adoption, I have a point of view perhaps you should consider. My son's birth mother was a good friend. She could not trust the decision she made for our boy and now, has become intrusive and has scared him to thepoint he won't see her. Can you trust that you have made a good decision and chosen a wonderful other-mother for your little girl? If so, kiss them both good-bye, leave them a way to contact you, if (WHEN) they choose, and find another friend. When the baby is a grown woman, you may find the blessings of being reunited--both with the girl and with your friend. I wish my son's birth mother had chosen that direction-- I miss her, and we will never be able to be friends again, my loyalty has to be with the boy-he's my son. You want that for your daughter, too,don't you--? a mother that will be there all the way, all the time, loving with her whole heart? Find a new friend (or a lot of them!). You sound like a fine person, with a good heart, take your time doing that, you will be ok. Just knowing that you can make good decisions speaks volumes of your integrity and sweet heart.Never lose sight of love,Chris'Mom