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Originally Posted By HeatherHello all, I am not too sure this is even a question I should be worrying about, but nonetheless I would invite any feedback. I am a birthmom, I placed my daughter for adoption about three years ago. Its a semi private adoption and so I have had the privledge of writting back and forth with the adoptive parents. They are wonderful. The adoption has been very open as far as me telling my adoption story and what not. So my family and most of my husbands family know about Kami. I am now five months pregnant with our first baby and completly estatic. I feel overjoyed at the chance to be the mother that I wasn't able to be for Kami. My question is, how would one go about explaining the adoption choice to a child from the perspective of a birth parent. I don't think our children will ever have any concerns with the fact that they have a half sis out there as long as they understand the reasoning behind this. I have done numerous outreach presentations and have talked to hundreds of teenagers and adults about my adoption story, but have never had to explain this to a child. We have pictures of Kami in our house and I plan to keep them up forever. Is this something that we can just keep on a casual basis and answer questions if they arise or do you think that its something that should be proactively talked about?? how would others handle this? Thanks a bunch, Heather
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Originally Posted By Edythe S.As an adoption social worker, and adopted child, I would suggest that you always be open and honest. I am not recommending that you be "proactive" in the sense of constantly referring to Kami, but rather acknowleding that she is a member of the family. Be sure to do this when when your new child is older and able to understand, maybe starting at age 6. Any earlier and you risk confusing the child because Kami is not with you and the abstract thinking will be too complicated for him/her. Hope this helps!
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Originally Posted By AishaHi,I think you should talk this over with a child so that if a question comes up you will get your answer in the sense that a child could understand. I think when cami turn 8 or 7 would be a good time to tell her about this so shes old enough to understand yet cope with it! I see what your going through your in a confused posistion right now and im sure lots of people are to! Im 14 and I understand im not here at this site to critize but here to be more aknowledged about adoption's! I'm not here for any school assaingment's. I'm here to see where i can get adoption papers cause I want to get adopted hopefully with my sister were best friends. I'm not in a adoption agensy and don't plan on that any time soon but here so that i can start new with a loving family, and place for once in my life time that can feel like home! I hope everything works out with Kami goodluck!
Originally Posted By KateHeather,I am an adoptee with a 4 year old girl and have just found my birth father and his family. This has provided me with many opportunities to explain my history to my daughter. My father has also had the opportunity to explain my existence to his fully grown daughters. It has been phenomenal all around. At 4 my daughter accepts things as they are and is completely non-judgemental and loving of me, my adoptive family, and my birth family. If you haven't seen any Disney movies lately, you should check them out. They are full of children who do not grow up with their birth parents, but who manage to live happily ever after (as I am living). Your child will likely ask questions about all of the pictures you have, which will allow you to explain something you so courageously did over and over again. My father's other 3 daughters, who did not know of my existence until recently, have been so incredibly warm and have welcomed me into their lives fully. Which I guess goes to show that if you raise your children to be loving and understanding (as he and his wife did), they will be able to take the news in stride. Why wait? My vote is for skipping the secrets and having an open an honest relationship with your child from the start.
Originally Posted By JoyI think that as long as you continue in the open, honest state of mind that you are in and never doubt that what you did was a wonderful, loving, unselfish thing. As an adoptee who was raised in a very open and loving family, I feel very fortunate. Also, I think that the child that you raise will respect you for making such a brave decision to improve the life of her firstborn child. God bless you!!
Originally Posted By assuming this is trueI think kids can relate pretty well to something along the lines of "I loved her, but I wasn't able to be a mommy and take care of her the way she needed, so I found someone who could. I still love her even though she's not with me, and the mommy she lives with loves her very much, too. But before you were born, I was ready to be a mommy, so kiddo you are stuck with me. No other mommies for you!"
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