Why would they not pick us?

I think that this waiting time would be a great time to start journaling for your future child. I journaled all through out my pregnancy & for years after. One day your child will know what was going on before he arrived. ;) Chris bmom in open adoption for 3 years

My son's Aparents waited with a lawyer for one year and were with the adoption agency for two full years so their total wait was three years. I don't know how flexible they were and I don't know if they tried to pursue other options outside of the agency. I do think they are wonderful parents and there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with them. As horribly awful as it sounds if you've got 50 people waiting but only so many people placing the wait will be longer. I'm sure the wait is very frustrating but I would say that just because you haven't been picked yet doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. Peace, Janet

I feel the same way. What is wrong with us. We're a loving couple - I teach first grade! and Our cats are just so darn cute!!I have to say that I have come to feel that our facilitator has shown favorites amongst her clients. We are in the "also ran"catagory. So Its a good time for us to revevaluate our priorities. Back to the basics - What are the most important factors for us in creating a family. Keeping in mind that what we do to create the family will have lifelong impact on said children. We need a new/different advocate/facilitator. We know that. Now its just a matter of finding someone who really knows how to connect us/advise us. If only I can get my husband to move foreward! We try to take turns at being immobilized and depressed over this situation. - This week its his. :rolleyes:

I'm so sorry about the wait. I wish things were different...there are adoptive parents waiting years for children and children in the foster care system waiting forever to be adopted...it just doesn't seem fair sometimes. Please don't get discouraged. There is a baby out there that is meant to be yours. Keep your chin up; sooner or later, it's bound to happen! Best wishes, Sharon:)

i am on the other side of the boat and can tell you there are THOUSANDS of couples and it is a very hard decision when you are looking. i tried to look as much as i could but then i ended up looking at 100 profiles in a day (every day!) and they ended up all looking the same. it takes a lot of effort and time to find a couple. hang in there, i am sure that your profile stuff is looked at a lot!

its hard for us to pick a family for our child. its not like we wake up one day and say i will pick this one. sometimes it takes months to choose the right family. we need to take our time to choose the right family to make sure we choose the right one.

Sharon - Thanks for the encouragement. Snackey - I really appreciate the reminder. I've spoken w/ Bmoms before and it must be such an overwhelming responsibility to find just the right people. Its so tempting as aparents to think "what can I do/say so someone will choose us." When the reality is, my husband and I are goofy, quirky people with bizzare senses of humor. Not everyone gets us (thats why we're perfect for each other:D ) We really want to find a Bmom & Bfather that like us for who we are and can really see us raising their child. It took us a long time to find each other, so I guess it'll take a while to create a family as well (geez - im philosophic today) P

birthparents have alot to think about when choosing a family.

I think its like anything........ we choose. Your heart is always going to lead you in the right direction. Maybe some moms like couples that have straight hair, I have curly hair, so no match,as it should be. I think that is wonderful that we all can make choices. I certainly would not want a birthmom to select our family, just because she couldnt find someone else that would have been better for her. It must be a match, so all parties involved are satisfied with their decisions.

everyone has to be happy and comfortable with their decisions.

Waiting is tough. My husband and I were thinking the same thing...what is wrong with us? We're a loving couple, fairly young, we have family-friendly jobs (I'm a teacher he manages a family resort),we're not ugly or hideous,so what gives? The most frusterating part is that there is nothing you can do. In our adoption group, we get together and to be honest, all of the couples are awesome people. I completely trust our social worker (he's an incredible person and an expert in open adoption) and he said that there was nothing wrong with us and to just hang in there...so that is what we are doing. Hangin' in there. My husband and I were talking this evening about the wait...just keep it in mind when you finally become a parent. The wait we experience as potential adoptive parents is nothing compared to the wait the birthparents experience between letters, visits, and phone calls after they place their child in your arms.

Hi, Nicci.Nothing is wrong with you. It's just the process. And it's so hard when things seem out of your control.There are some do-it-yourself profile tips on my website at [url="http://www.profilesthatgetpicked.com"]www.profilesthatgetpicked.com[/url]. I hope you find something there that helps destiny along.I wish you, your husband and your future child my very best!Lori

Hi, Nicci. There's nothing wrong with you! It's just a process that feels so out of control.Try this. Take a fresh look at your profile, and pretend you're a birthmother. (I know that may be a stretch to get into that space). See how the profile strikes you. Is it warm? Unique and memorable in some way? Does the adopting couple seem like people you'd like to entrust the baby you're carrying? Will matching with this couple help ease the pain of separating from your baby, and can you have confidence they are the right choice?Often, just this change in perspective by can shift the entire feel of your profile. The change is subtle but powerful.I wish you and your husband the very best in the coming months. I hope this helps!

The wait is truly the hardest part of this whole journey. We waited only 14 months for our DD and it was really a hard time in my life. I thought that too... What is wrong with us? Why aren't they picking us? It really did a number on my ego not to mention my spirit. In the end, All I can say is this... there is nothing wrong with you. From our experience, it's almost like there is miracle or magic in the match when it finally happens. I thought we'd never get picked and then there she was, this amazing little girl who fits into our family beautifully. Her first mom picked us after looking at many profiles. I was 80 pounds overweight at the time we made up our profile (ugh..) and our more formal pics were taken when I was on stress leave. I thought I looked so tired. She said she loved my smile and the tenderness in my eyes. You just never know... When I inquired with our agency about our wait (when we started the process the average wait was around 9 months) they said there were three different issues that might make the wait longer...our ages, our faith commitments and our rural location. In the end, it was those three things, among others, that she picked us for... when it is right, it is right and you will be grateful for the wait because it was what it took to bring your child to you.

We just took a second look at our portfolio and I did notice one big thing...I had all of the paper work in it, but it was all paperclipped in the back, so it wasn't easily accessible. I'm sure that was a biggie, so I took it home for a week and fixed the paperwork problem & added some more recent pics. I've also really gotten into scrapbooking since we have an exchange student with us for the year. I've been making 2 scrapbooks of his year here (One for him, and one for us) So when I picked up my adoption portfolio and added a few more pages, I could really tell the difference in my pages (scrapbooking wise). I really like the scrapbook itself. It is so us. I had to do two scrapbooks too, so eventually I figured that I'd give one to the bmom (if she wants it) and one we'd keep for the baby. The only thing that I can think of that is really slowing it down is that my husband manages a resort in northern Michigan and we live there. I personally love it. We're on a lake, it is a very family-friendly resort with kids around all the time, but it is not a house...(It's a condo) Who knows. As far as the waiting goes, I've just been freaking out lately. Our social worker, Jim, is getting ready to retire soon and I am really hoping that we get chosen before he goes. He is awesome and if anyone gets open adoption, he does. I can't imagine working with anyone else.