Foster/Adopting in PA

Paula, That is great news!! I think these forums are a great way to share with others and to get feedback and ideas as well as support. The whole foster to adopt road has its ups and downs, but hopefully the end result will be one that is best for all parties involved. And the fact that you are related to this young girl is a plus. Feel free to post questions or concerns that you might have and update us on the progress. Does the county have permanent custody yet, or is she still in foster care? Do you have biological children of your own, and if so how do they feel about it? I look forward to talking with you as time progresses!! Best! Karen

She (Anna is how I will refer to her here) was taken into foster care July 17th. We got are checks and home visits done as quickly as we could and she moved in with us on Sept 27th. About 5 weeks ago the mother lost parental rights to two older children that Anna never lived (except a brief 6 weeks before coming to our house) with because they have been cared for by others or in foster care since before her birth. She is in the physical custody of PA's CYS. The case worker, who is great and wanted her with family once I contacted CYS. Her older siblings aren't related to me. And it was best for her not to be living with them because of their emotional problems. The caseworker is filing aggravated circumstances to end Anna's parents rights within the next week. A court hearing will be within 30 days of that I believe to end rights. Anna's father - or male sperm donor as I call him is my nephew. This is not a bad thing that his rights are being terminated also. He lost his rights to another child in Arizona for abuse and extensive criminal history at even his young age. We feel so fortunate to have Anna with us. She is such a loving child and we hope we got to her before any major emotional damage was done. So far no signs. Before coming to us. She had no regular sleeping pattern, no nap or bedtime schedule. No permanent residence, moved around may times from houses that were condemned. Her food consisted of chips and sweets gong down with a pepsi bottle. Now she sits down and eats meat and potatoes with her own fork and we give her juice, milk or water. We were not eligible for any monetary aid because of being a relative. But that is ok! We have her in Early HeadStart and a play group once a week and she is thriving wonderfully. She has 2 older brothers now who love her to pieces and treat her as our own also. I have been considering altering her name if/when we get to adopt her. She is truly not use to her own first name since she goes by a nickname. She is 2. That will also throw anyone off the track who may try to gain info on her in the future. What our your thoughts on that? That is where we are at the moment.

Hi Paula, It's great to hear from you. It sounds as if things are moving right along for you. That is wonderful that you were able to step in and keep Anna as your own. I know that the laws do not allow compensation for blood relatives when they are fostering or adopting their own relatives. Sometimes I don't think that it makes sense, because you are providing a stable loving home such as any other non-related foster/adoptive family would, but that is the law nonetheless. Regarding the name change I think that is a very personal decision. We adopted three children last year. The first was a 9 month old baby boy that was placed with us at 3 months old, and a sibling group of two girls adopted at ages 4 and 6. We chose to keep their names as is. We did give our four year old a middle name because she didn't have one, and they all have nicknames that we have given them but we chose not to change their names from the names that they were given at birth. However, many people do change names so it would be entirely a personal choice. Obviously with older children it would be something the child should have some say in, but in your case you are talking about a 2 year old. I'm not concerned about birthparents "finding" or looking for their birthchildren somewhere down the road. I guess to me that is just something I am at peace with. I feel very fortunate to have been blessed with these children, and am willing to help my kids look for their biological parents someday if they want. Because of the circumstances of the kids coming into care, however, I was not able to have an open adoption, so my only rule is that my kids have to be mature enough to handle what we might encounter if and when we do find biological mom. I really hope and pray that she will be in a better place in her life and straightened out. But we'll deal with that as it comes. It would be interested to hear the perspective of others who have adopted blood relatives. Because it is such a close knit group of people, the answers and thoughts might be different. What do you think? Thanks for sharing your story. I'll be thinking about you and hoping for the best with your family and little Anna!! Best, Karen

My husband and I have been foster parents now for over 10 years now. We have just about every kind of child in our home.. those with deep emotional praoblems that needed medications and those that just stayed in our home a short time until there birth parent was able to get themselves together and we took in children who would never leave the system at all. We have has teenagers, newborns straight from the hospital, and some who were just removed from there biological family. But to date we are are happy to be with the agency we are with. I find that it is important to be with a great fostercare agency then those agencies that don't care. Currently I have two biolgical children one adopted 13yr, a set of twins I am adopting and we are foster parents to the twins sibling 3week old brother. 6 children in less than 2 yrs.. I would never have thought this would be....:) but we are happy to have such a full house. We are happy to be adotive parents as well as foster parents... it is very rewarding....

I am a foster/adopt mom also. We (hubby and I) are in the process of our 2nd foster adopt. Our 27month old foster son Just had his biomom found unfit on "3 counts". The best interest hearing is scheduled for Dec 6th. We have had our foster son since he was 3 months old. He was a preemie who was in hospital 2 months after his birth and spent 1 month with another foster family before coming to us. This process has been a real roller coaster ride. We thought we were going to have to give him up in January this year to bio aunt and uncle we actually started the transitional process and they backed out, then they tried to give him to biodad who backed out and voluntarily relinquished his rights. Now we are finally about to have his future settled. I dont know what the odds are that the Judge WILL terminate parental rights BUT I pray that being unfit on 3 counts will mean TERMINATION!!!! Our first foster/adopt was much easier I think we were kept in the dark about the whole process so we never really knew when hearings were occurring and what bioparents were up to. In the end we were informed that the process was over and our foster daughter was available for adoption and were we interested. WOW big change in thought patterns ..FROM thinking family reunification to adoption.. Didn't take us to much time to decide and we finalized her adoption almost 2yrs after she was placed with us(about 6 months after Termination of parental rights). Thats a very brief story about us. I post occasionally on the special needs board But I would like to talk more with foster parents as well. Hopew to hear from anyone.

I understand what you mean about the changing from reunification to adoption. I have a newborn who is the 11th child of the bio mom and she had her rights terminated 3 times before this child. She has had no custody of any of her children. Her rights were terminated with the last 3 children. I am adopting the twins and the other child is at another home( adopted). It is hard. I have to put my feelings aside regarding this child. The mother is in rehab. The cycle is starting all over again. So I wil love this baby and be there in the capacity I need to be in. I keep praying that all will be ok. I would love the opportunity to be the mother to this baby. I will keep you posted..Blessings to you all.

It's great hearing from you both!!! I'd have to agree that being a foster parent truly has been a very positive thing for my husband and I overall - or should I say, until recently... (especially since this is how we chose to start our family). Our circumstances were very different from many, though, who foster to adopt. We were very fortunate to adopt the first two placements we received. The first was a sibling group of two and then a baby. We then got the a biological brother to the sibling group which took us to four We picked him up from the hospital 20 months ago at two days old, and he is still with us today. Everything was working in the direction of adoption with him, but now the bio dad (who has yet to establish paternity) has shown up at the last minute to claim his son from his prison cell. It is looking like there is an aunt (sister to bio dad) who is interested and pushing the dad to move forward with paternity, but we haven't yet been given straight answers. I know what you mean, AKAT, about it being difficult to handle sometimes the sharp turns that a case may take. For 19 months we have been told by Children Services to "hang in there; it will all be over soon enough" and "you will have your baby." Well, my foster baby may very well be leaving the only family he has known for 20 mos. including his two biological half siblings and his best friend, a foster brother that is only 7 mos older than him. When things get down to the wire it becomes very worrisome and concerning as to the fate of a beautiful little boy. I am torn between sending him on to a half aunt and hoping that he will thrive there and keeping him myself where I know that he is happy, a little toooo bonded =) and with his biological sisters. In the end all that matters to me is this baby's well being - not my own or my husbands. So what do you think about that? Any opinions or thoughts? I know that first thing is first. Paternity must be established but the rumors are there is no doubt he is this man's child. The same man who has spent more of his adult life in prison than out. But if I was the sister of this man I very well may want to "save the child from the system" as well (not knowing how this child is or that the only time they hear about "the system" is when bad things happen). Give me your thoughts and feedback! I could use some moral support about now!!! The next court date is not until December sometime as to allow enough time for the paternity test to be administered in the prison and screened. Best!!! Karen

Hello all. I just wanted to tell you all that we just went to court today to have the goals for reunification change to adoption. I gave testimoney but had to leave because had to go to school. I do not know what happen. I will call tomorrow to find out what went on. The workers were confident that the goal change would happen and that the visits would move to once a month verses bi-weekly. This is number 13 for mom. I have two of her children the adoption will be finalized in February. We are not related to mom. She is currently in a drug rehab and will be there until the spring of 2003. Everyone involved is holding there breath regarding this case. She presents well at the hearings, she has this drug issue that seems to engulf her. I continue to pray for her recovery but yet I worry for the safety of the baby if ever returned. I don't mean to be mean or sound like I am mean but I really wonder about her ability to care for this baby. She has a long history over thirteen years with the courts. She has lost her rights for 4 of her children. 8 children were born with drugs and alcohol. She has been in rehab at least 7 times before. I guess it is a wait and see game now. But it is still hard. I knew going in that this might be like this. I can only be available to the baby as he needs me to be and continue prayers for the mother's well being. Thanks for letting me vent.:(

Hello, I pray that everyone here had a wonderful and blessed holiday season. On the 17th of Dec. I told you all bout the court hearing regarding the new baby. I had to leave and did not know what happened after that. I called the socail worker who stayed and found out that the bio mother's counciler was crossed examined and the child advocate blew her out of the water---so to speak. He crediability was questioned, her work ethic..the child advocate was incredible. Mother read a letter that she had written and again the same thing happened. The lawyers for the baby basically asked was this a joke that "you" are here. Basically stating that did she really think that the court would turn the baby over to her after her track record. 8 of 12 children tested positive for drugs and alcohol, 4 of her children rights were terminated and she has none of her children living with her. She then said that relapse was part of recovery and this led the baby's lawyers to cross examine her and her counsilor for about two hours. What normaly would have taken half hour tops was a grueling two hour court session. The councilor for the biommom was upset to say the least. Amazing. The goal change went form reunification to adoption and they are currently working on to terminate rights according to the law of aggravated circumstances.(4times over in her case) Bi-weekly visits went to monthly visits. And they/we have been begun the adoption process. ( remember we have the baby's siblings too). Bio mom is going to appeal if she hasn't done so already. This will make this case go even longer. The judge I understand that is in appeals court is soft when it comes to re-uniting mothers and baby's. The word is that he leans towards re-unification. So the social workers are a bit intimidated by this fact. :( I continue to pray that the right thing happens. It is a shame that the baby's I have have no clue to what is going on. Bio mom had this idea that one day she will get the baby back and even get teh sibling s that I have adopted. She is not clearly thinking straight and is being misled by the drug rehab that she is currently staying at. I have asked that all gifts for the siblings to end since I feel that this was allowing her to have attachment to the children I have already adopted. Going into this I knew that mother would be involve and I have to keep reminding myself. I truly wish the best for her. I have told her that I am glad to see that she is doing well. I just think that it is a little bit late now. The history that is following her will follow here for the rest of her life and she dosn't understand. The man in her life has a lot to do with her issuses and yes she still mentions him. I pray that the hearing will be soon as toget this over with. I will keep you all posted. Hang in there. Good things will come who are looking for a miracle in there given situations. Foster care is one of the hardest jobs there is. Adoption is hard but foster care can have it moments. No one really understand how hard it can be. For those of you who are struggling with issues... know that there are others foster parents too who are in the same situations and prayers are being said.

Good Afternoon! Thanks for the update. Just as in many cases there is good and there is bad. It is wonderful news that the child's advocate for the courts is truly advocating for the best interest of the child! I will pray for you and your situation as well, and pray for strength and patience for you and your family! The road is very long and many times there are bumps upon the road as well! Keep your chin up and keep loving that baby!!!! Karen