Are we too old!

Longgreengrass thank you for explaining. That's fine I understand. As the bmom you have the right to pick your aparents. We are going overseas and I plan on doing the unwed mother program. My agency thinks it will be quick because a lot of the pictures and bios are of people in their 40's and well to a girl under 16 that's probably their parents age. I would say if you have not picked your afamily don't run anyone out. I am not saying you will change your mind and want someone in their 20's or even 30's but at least will have looked at all the families out there. My husband and I have been married over 3 years. We have a wonderful marriage. We met and fell in love at church. I myself was adopted. I have a Finance degree and I am starting a wonderful job at an insurance company. DH is in the navy and works in nuclear power and will have a wonderful career. We have a wonderful house complete with the best elementry school in the subdivision. We are the youngest homeowner on our block. There is even an icecream truck that comes by on Saturdays. We contribute to our Roth IRAs every year. We have little debt and everyone is on board with our adoption. This is not the profile you would think someone under 30 would have. Londer, I am glad you liked my post but at 60 hardly no one is looking for the nursing home. Every bmom has the right to chose their afamilies. I think most people know if they are too young or too old. Adoption is serious and must people understand that. I support any mom who wants to adopt but the age question has her worried. Thats for the chat I think we got a lot talked out.

I can tell you from the several bmoms who have chosen us as their babys' forever family our ages of 44 and 50 were acceptable to them. Along with the fact of being as stable as we are personally, professionally and financially. DH is on his job with a major auto maker for over 30 yrs.... he started right out of high school and has built up a fantastic retirement. I have been in the mortgage industry for 20 years and manage a brokers' office. We have known each other for 12 years, have been together for 8 years and married for 2. Our SW has even said so what about our ages, we have so much to offer a child that their bmom won't care about our ages. When I think back on the years we spent with fertility treatments and than getting ourselves back to normal after the shots, drugs and emotional wear and tear our adoption journey could have started sooner. When do not think about how old we will be when our child graduates from HS because we do not act our ages at all and we are both in excellent health, we think about how much we want a child and all the love, support and guidance we can give this child. Bmoms have their own preferences about the age of the aparents they are looking for and that is their right. Aparents in your 40's and 50's..... do not give up, there are bmoms out there who will not put alot of weight on our ages. Our search still goes on as our previous attempts have failed....... 2 scams, one stillborn and a few bmoms parenting, which is also their right and we gave them our blessings, and one would have have had major legal problems. So never give up..... Jennifer

when a birthmom places her child for adoption she has to feel comfortable with the ages of the couple or it just wont work. she should tell the agency or attorney to present her with profiles of couples in this or that age gap. thats what I told my attorney to do.

I'm glad to see this point of interest among both mothers and hopeful adoptive mothers... It clarifies a topic that I guess might come up. If I was pregant and wanting to place a child, in thinking back on my life, while I was not a problem teenager or wild adult, I made some wrong choices for myself in my early adult years....(as so many of us do...even as adults!!!) So many people have not even lived their own lives yet and the birthmothers choose them....I guess for the main reason they think they will be "young" in age for the placed child... If I was pregnant, knowing what I know now, living enough of an adult life to know how difficult even that is, trying to find a home, buy a home, establish a career, be stable in a loving, committed, long, marital relationship, mature emotionally, etc. I would focus more on what the a parents would provide....and I do think that if you've had a chance to live your own life, you're much more able to give what you need to give to another life.... In other words, quite possibly (and this "could" happen even if you're younger too, but....) but quite possibly, by being oldler, you've gotten alot of things out of your system and won't feel trapped by a child and the responsibilities involved. Regardless of how old you are, biological parent or adoptive parent, parenting is difficult!!!! And you yourself need to be a stable person ready and willing to give up everything for yourself in order to give to a child. Some people are too stressed out come Friday afternoon to want to rush home and "Play mommy or daddy"...they're out trying to find their place in the world ....needing to go out and have fun with their friends and stuff.... Where as, I've already gotten all of that out of my system and I no longer desire to do anything but be a fulltime stay at home mom..... I'm not saying that young adults can't provide that, but I don't know if that would automatically happen.... Like everyone says, it's a case by case scenario and what and who the Lord leads you to.... What I can say is this, by the time adoptive parents have listed themselves as adoptive parents, trust me they probably are more than ready.... Financially speaking though, especially the way the economy is now, you need to be financially stable and have a long-range plan that's already in action and working!!! Because I'm sure, if you really think about it, one of the main reasons a mother chooses to place her child is because she can't afford to keep it and raise it and provide for it the way she feels!!!!! Right!!!!! So shouldn't that be the most important aspect of choosing the adoptive parents....asking how they can provide for your child? What they can give to your precious baby?????

Because I'm sure, if you really think about it, one of the main reasons a mother chooses to place her child is because she can't afford to keep it and raise it and provide for it the way she feels!!!!! Right!!!!! So shouldn't that be the most important aspect of choosing the adoptive parents....asking how they can provide for your child? What they can give to your precious baby????? the financial thing is called a "temporary problem" when you are an expecting mother. placement under financial restraints is called "permanent solution to a temporary problem" according to my counselor. anything temporary is not the "right" reason to place.

When I was given several profiles of adoptive couples, I wasn't really looking at age..UNTIL, the agency handed me a profile of a couple that were the same age as I.(21) My first reaction was, no, I am not going to let someone my age raise my child if it cannot be me...so therefore I chose a couple age 35/40..that was almost 10 years ago..so now they are what 45/50...I think I would prefer someone in an older age group...just my opinion..by the way..what does living in a neighborhood with an ice cream truck have anyting to do with the couple's age(previous post)???

I agree with the person who posted that older parents often "have it together" better than younger parents. Middle-aged people would hopefully tend to be more financially and emotionally stable than people in their twenties. That's the bright side. On the darker side...if you adopt an infant right now, today, then by the time that infant graduates from high school, you will be over sixty and your husband over seventy. I'm not saying that's bad...as long as your health is good. but I can see where it might cause some birthmothers to think twice about placing with you. Perhaps on your webpage, you should not just state your age right off the bat. I'm not saying to lie, just tell about some of the positive things first. Maybe then when the birthmothers learn your age, they will have many positive factors to weigh it against and it will not be such an off-putting thing. Sincerely, Sharon:)

I have been nothing but nice. I have been nice to a parents of all ages how dare you make personal comments about me. The ice cream truck was just a cute thing. I had an ice cream truck where I lived and loved it. We do have it have together for any age. All I was saying is you cannot judge people by age alone. What you people said was so rude. I have never ever said one thing nasty about anyone. Who made you have the right to say who is too young or old we all want to me parents. In fact I have already had a talk witha possible talk with a bmom (friend of family). Our agency loves us and sad our age would help us because we want to adopt from Taiwan. All I want to say is shame on you. If being older means you attack people for being young than Thank God I am young and open minded. PS I still 100% support people adopting in their 20's, 30's , 40's, and 50's. We are not 22!! Bailey I think you are an role model to every young aparent out there .

Karabur, I know when I saw the reply about "what does an ice cream truck have to do with anything" I cringed for you... I, for one, think that that little part of your post, saying that you even have an ice cream truck where you live, actually says alot....it tells me that you live in a family-friendly neighborhood!!! and that's a good, good thing when you have children!!!! In fact, both my husband and I grew up with ice cream trucks in each of our neighborhoods, from Florida to New Jersey!!! and even here, now, years and years later, there's still an ice cream truck which we hear every night and it brings back good memories and we CHERISH the day that our little son or daughter will be able to run out and get his or own little ice cream!!! For we know, they will love it too!!!! and isn't that what parenting is about...wanting to build happy memories for our children, any little way we can..... Again, I just think people, everyone, is hurting no matter what position you hold here in the adoption process... Notice I now said, position...I no longer choose to say, whatever side we're on....for you know what...that does imply that there are sides....divisions...and that is not good.... So, please don't let that comment hurt the love you have inside of you for your precious baby that you are waiting for....don't let it chip away the spirit of fun and joy you have, okay? I guess people don't realize, that being the waiting adoptive parent, during your homestudy, the do indeed look at everything. Everything!!!! So, yeah, an ice cream truck, a family-friendly neighborhood, that's a good, good thing!!! Best of blessings to you on your journey!! Sincerely, Melody;)

Thank you so much. It made my day after 2 rude comments. It sometimes really hurts when you are being nothing but supportive and then you get attacked for no reason. I thought the ice cream truck was nothing. I just hate how aparents are judged. It's kinda of reminds me of the stay at home mom vs the career mom. I just don't understand why we can't just be parents. I think that's what makes America great. People are different and parent different. I felt really bad because my mom was down for the weekend and was in my office and saw the post. She was really hurt. I talked her down. She kept saying you will be a wonderful mom. She is in her 40's and wants to be a grandma. I am sure your baby will be so very happy to have an open minded mommy. I have always said God knew what he was doing he made women able to bear children from when they were young to when they are in their 40's. My dh's aunt had a health baby boy at 45 and has one in college. So I think wonderful moms come in all kinds of packages some young and some with wisdom. My mom says that the reason why I want to be a mom is because I had a good one. There is a lot of truth to that. If my children and I have half the relationship that my mom and I have than I know I have been a wonderful mom. Paper chasing for Reagan!

Sweetie, I'm so glad your mom was here...perfect weekend for her huh? Actually yes, I'm sure... You know, times are tough, but God is good and if we are faithful and obedient, He is faithful in return in granting us the desires of our hearts!!! Tell me about Reagan!!! Congratulations are in order right? Feel free to email me if you'd like, okay? I'll be waiting to hear your good news!!! Blessings always to you and your family, Melody

We have friends who adopted a newborn through a private adoption who were 43 and 48 at the time of placement. The birthmother told her that she was looking for an older couple for her own personal reasons. Each bmom seems to have their own set of 'requirements' they are looking for to place their children with. Don't give up hope!

Okay... I have to say I had an ice cream truck too in my old neighborhoods in New Jersey, which is one of the things I miss living here in PA. Of course when every chance I get I am taking my great nieces out for the ice cream when they hear the music. Yes i said great nieces.... one is going on 5 and the younger one just turned a year and yep she knows the music from the truck last summer. Age is nothing but a number and we would all like to believe it doesn't play a role but it does. There are many young people... in their 20's who would make excellent parents and I know being in your 20's now compared to well, let's just say quite a few years ago is different. I have seen this is my nieces who are both in their twenties, one is a realtor, single mom with a 5 yr old and the other is married with the 1 yr old, owns their own business and home, well they have a mortgage but they still have a home, and she goes to nursing school through a hospital in New Jersey, so people in their twenties do have it together alot more than I did when I was in my twenties. I had an apartment and a full time job but to have been able to parent or adopt back than... it wouldn't have worked. So..... every birthmom has her own preference when it comes to age and yes I have heard some say well if someone in their twenties can adopt why can't I parent. Unfortunately women in their twenties do have problems conceiving, which surprised me when I learned that fact, so even though they may be young to some birthmoms, they have experienced some things that others will never have to, or at least God willing will not have to. Hope all this makes sense and don't yell at me!! jennifer

Every bmom has the right to chose their aparents. I don't think that is an issue. What I do not like is being personally attack by people who think I am too young. My mom is in her 40's says there is no way she would want to parent. All I was trying to say is that don't judge a book by it's cover. I know a lot of young women who have children both bio and adopted. The whole point of what I was trying to say is that just because you are 20's, 30's, 40's and maybe 50's should not be the only issue. There are a lot of closed minded people at any age. My husband and I are going international. They do have bmom programs. I just wish these forums were more about than these little debates that pop up everywhere. The fact is I could care less what people think but I know there are a lot of hopeful young amom who get discouraged because so people think you must be 30 to parent.

heve you considered adopting from China? you and dh are not too old for that although you will for sure not get a child under 6 months and probably the child will be older. donna