Converting baby???

That in many areas of the US an Orthodox rabbi won't do a conversion unless the family agrees to be orthodoxically observant. So if a family, such as mine, isn't prepared to be orthodox, we CAN'T do an Orthodox conversion. Plus, in my whole state there are only about two maybe three orthodox rabbis all more than an hour away. So, if my daughter wants to marry Orthodox or move to Israel, she will have to reconvert. If she's that committed, it won't be a burden.

I'm raising my fost/adopt 3 year old daughter Jewish. I just haven't found a temple that I truly like yet. I was raised conservative. The temple near me is reform. I like the Cantor but don't care to much for the Rabbi. Any suggestions? Eileen

Tammy, to qualify for "full tribal membership" your little one needs to undergo conversion. As far as I know it's not a difficult process. If you choose not to convert the child and the child chooses to live a Jewish life, things like a wedding with a rabbi could get difficult. My recommendation would be to do an orthodox conversion, since that's recognized by every stream of Judaism, even in Israel. Good Luck and Mazal Tov!

... of a synagogue to call the rabbi or cantor and find out how to go about arranging a conversion for a newly adopted child. Call the Reform temple near you, if you wish, or contact a Conservative rabbi in your area since you were raised in that tradition. He/she will usually ask if you want an Orthodox conversion or not. Even some Reform rabbis have contacts in the Orthodox community and can tell you whether the local Orthodox rabbis will convert children of non-Orthodox parents. They can also tell you whom to call, if they know an Orthodox rabbi nearby who will handle such conversions and make the mikvah arrangements. If you are comfortable with Reform or Conservative rabbis officiating, see whether the rabbi you call is willing to do the conversion, and where he/she tends to conduct them. Remember that he/she will need to find a total of three rabbis to participate -- he/she may ask you if you object to female rabbis participating -- and that it may not be easy to find three who can meet at a particular time. In big cities, it may also be difficult to get onto the schedule of a non-Orthodox mikvah. I live in the DC area, which has a mikvah run by a Conservative synagogue, and there are an amazing number of Reform and Conservative families arranging conversions for adopted children. The rabbi is likely to refer you to his/her secretary to handle matters like telling you the customary fee for the rabbis and the mikvah. If there is nowhere in town that you can go for a non-Orthodox conversion, or for an Orthodox conversion of a child who will be raised in a non-Orthodox home, the rabbi can usually suggest someone to call in the nearest big city to you. Sharon

Tammy, If you adopt a child who is not born of a Jewish Mother she/he has to be converted to be Jewish. We adopted 3, converted and named them all. It's a simple process. Just a quick dip in the mikva for a girl and a prick and dip for a boy. If your children ever want to go to Israel they will have to prove they are Jews and a naming certificate is not sufficiant. Good luck.

Hi everyone --great discussion ... I'm the "HappyMom" that started this thread back in May 2003 just after we were matched with a birthmom -- I'm happy to report that things went off w/o a hitch and our son was born in Aug and was in our arms from the moment after birth. We still can't believe he's ours!! We had his bris on the 8th day ---over 80 people filled my home and helped us celebrate this miraculous occasion. We do intend on doing the "dipping"at the mikvah--but our current rabbi doesn't seem to think it's necessary and frankly wasn't very supportive of our desire to go to the effort. Thought that was odd, but... True, in reform judaism our son , now ritually circumcised, is deemed as jewish as if he were born from a Jewish mother --but dh and I want to make sure our son will be able to live a more religious life and/or live in Israel as a "legal" jew--should he desire these things in the future. We are getting a new rabbi this summer (other one retiring)...I'm hoping he's more accepting of our desire to complete this conversion at the mikvah.

If your Rabbi told you that conversion in the mickvah wasn't necessary you need to find a new Rabbi! A child is not a Jew until he has been converted. I have adopted 3, and that was the first thing I did the day after the adoptions were final. My son just became a Bar Mitzvah and his conversion was part of his Bar Mitzvah speech. You should also know that a child that is converted before the age of 13 (boys) or 12 (girls) can disavow when they become Bar Mitzvah age, since they had no say in what happened before. Read Yaakov's Bar Mitzvah Speech at [url]www.my-bar-mitzvah.com[/url] Go to speeches and search for Lech Lacha. They decide if you want to listen to the advise of your Rabbi. Good Shabbos to all

Trust me --we are NOT listening to our rabbi. Although he is correct that as long as our adopted son stays in reform circles --doesn't lead an orthodox lifestyle etc... the bris does the job. But we want more and one way or the other will get it for our son. My parent's synagogue's rabbi is actually an old amily friend --h ewas the one who helped lead the bris in fact (with the mohel of course!) and said he would contact the orthodix community if we needed help. P.S. the adoption is final this Thursday --not sure which part of it I'm more excited about --it being "final" (although in our hearts it was final the day he was born and placed in our arms..) or the fact that we can get rid of our attorney and his billings!! (lol)

I know how great it feels the day they hand you that piece of paper and birth certificate that says HE IS YOURS! Mazel Tov! I'm glad you decided to complete the conversion. You're right if he stays reform that is all he needs. But if he ever want's to go to Israel he'll need proof of being Jewish. And a Bris just won't do it. Enjoy your son.

You may be interested in reading a wonderful book called "The Bamboo Cradle" Its a story about conversaion of an adopted infant. Good luck

My husband and I are about to leave for Russia to adopt our son. We need to convert him upon his return. he will be eight months old when we come back. Do I go to a urologist to perform the circumcision and then have him named in temple. Or do I find a urologis/ Moyal. I am getting frustrated because I do not even know where to find one. We live in northern NJ. We follow the reform movement. Thanks please help.

With a child the age of your son-to-be, circumcision will have to be performed under a general anesthetic. As a result, you have two options: 1. Reform and Conservative Judaism have made an effort to find physicians who are religious Jews and to train them as mohelim. There are also some Orthodox mohelim who are physicians, but I'm not aware of any formal "push" to train Orthodox physicians as mohelim. You can probably find out if there are any physician-mohelim in your community by asking your rabbi or by contacting either the Union for Reform Judaism, the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, or the Orthodox Union. If you can find a physician mohel, he can probably help you to arrange to have your son circumcised with the appropriate rituals in the hospital. The only drawback to this approach is that you can't have the traditional bris, with all the relatives and friends invited, in an operating room. You will have to have your party somewhere else! 2. Jewish law provides a special ceremony for males who have been circumcised non-ritually. This ceremony, called "hatafat dam brit", is often used when a child has been circumcised non-ritually, either because the circumcision occurred prior to his adoption or because the cicrcumcision had to take place in a hospital. This ceremony can take place at home or anywhere that a normal bris can be held, and involves drawing a tiny drop of blood from the site of the healed circumcision wound. Discomfort is minimal, and the tiny nick can be performed, with appropriate ritual, by any mohel. Some Reform rabbis do not see the necessity for hatafat dam brit, if a child has been circumcised, even if the circumcision was done without ritual. However, the majority of the Jewish community accepts hatafat dam brit as the way to go. Sharon

The conversion procedure varies depending on how conservative your synagogue is. We are reform, but the rabbi who did the conversion preferred to go the whole route, Mikvah, etc. so that if our daughter wanted to marry someone who is conservative or orthodox when she grows up, there would be no question as to whether or not she is Jewish according to religious law. I am glad we did it this way, if we were going to do it at all, might as well do it right and completely. Our daughter is from China, so now she is a 10 year old "Jewish Chinese Princess" in her second year (Bet) of Hebrew studies. Her mom is in second year Hebrew also, preparing to do an adult B'nai Mitzvah with 9 other adults from our congregation.

All of you who are getting your children young are lucky. We have a 5 year old foster/adopt son. The first big surprise when he arrived? He is not circumcized. But, he is attending religious school and will be consecrated with his class on Friday. As we are members of a reform congregation, his conversion will take place at his Bar Mitzvah. If he decides later in life to become more observant, he will have to go through an official conversion again but it seems the best in his situation.

There's a boy in our temple who was adopted from Cambodia, I think, at the age of 3 who is also not circumsised and was Bar Mitzvahed. Jewish law puts the obligation on the parents to uphold the covenant, so it's a parental "sin" not one that is visited on the child. I also think that there's a symbolic circumcision that was developed because Russian Jews weren't permitted to be circumcised so there was an issue when the immigrated to Israel. However, if he marries a Jewish woman, she might have an issue with him not being circumcised. It's just something to keep in mind as you talk to your son about this as he gets older.