Not at all grateful for adoption

I completely agree with you on that point. I was trying to understand why someone, if given the choice, would choose almost certain death over the option of being an adoptee. Should there be more education and programs for pregnant women? Certainly.

I think KristieMaureen came as close to saying how I feel as anyone. No one has to be "grateful" for being born, etc., although I am grateful to my mother for giving me life and I am not adopted. Life is a really neat gift if you use it right. There is one reason for having a baby, keeping a baby or placing a baby for adoption, and that is love. There are birthmothers who placed their baby for adoption to conceal their immorality, their are adoptive parents who do not care for their adopted child very well and there are many other bad circumstances that occur. But I do believe that the majority of birthmothers and adoptive parents love their children. I am a birthmother and an adoptive mother. I did not have a choice as a birthmother, my parents made that choice for me. My adopted son's mother had a choice, and she had other priorities. There are so many different circumstances and events that affect our decisions. I wish that all birthmothers, adopted children and adoptive parents would talk to eachother before reaching their decisions about eachother. My son may hate me right now, and I would completely understand if he does, but I do hope one day to have the opportunity to explain to him why he was placed for adoption and that I love him very much and always have. I don't expect anything from him, I only hope for forgiveness for the hurt my decisions may have caused him, and a chance to let him know how much I have always loved him and always will. There are always two sides to every story, please be mature enough and kind hearted enough to hear both.

My views on adoption are as follows: 1. No one asked to be put on this planet, adoptee or birthchild, so make the best of your situation, be it an unsuccessful adoption or not. 2. I have the utmost respect for birthparents, adoptive parents and their mutual children. 3. It seems the original author of this thread has a high level of immaturity for all members of the adoption triad. (sorry if I interpreted that incorrectly) 4. I have been on both sides of the family (adoptee and adoptive). No one is "grateful" in our family to anyone. We were given a wonderful gift and we gave a wonderful gift. Simple as that. 5. I believe adoption is a WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE. Or at the very least, it has been for our family.

I'm very greatful to my b-mother for giving me life but when i said adoption stinks i was just giving my point of view that's all. The court's keep all our lives' a secret in a file room they say they are protecting us. but we as adoptee's have a right to know. even though i have been apart of my b-families lives for about three year's know i still can not get my adoption file they will not release it to me even though i know everything. new subject. As far as adoption goes i think if the b-parent's have tried everything to be able to keep there child then adoption is the way to go. But only if there is know other way posseble. But a least they can do is try. And yes i know that there are a lot of b-mother's out there that are single my mother was single when i was given up. I'm just saying try if there is know way posseble then adoption is the right way to go . Like i said this is just my POINT OF VIEW

That is a difficult situation to be in. I would want to know everything that was in my file. However, if I were the birthparent, I would have to consider the reasons why the child was given up. I can see both sides.

I am an adoptee. I am grateful to my parents for raising me, just as any child should be. I am grateful that I was given up by my bio-mom. My childhood was certainly easier. This is not to say that my adoption was a selfless act on either side. My bio-mom could not raise me, she did the only thing she could. My a-parents wanted a child, they got one. That makes us pretty much even.

Lewallen, that is a very interresting point of view. I am a birthmom and have been talking with the adoptive mom for about 3 months now. She has thanked me several times for giving her a precious gift and I have thanked her several times for taking care of him and for caring enough to let me know, after 15 years, that he is healthy and well and has had a good life. I am anxious to find out how my son feels and hope to speak with him soon.

it would be kinda nice to know if my mom was at all interested in what has been going on in my life for the last 25 years, she doesnt know im maried or anything about me as far as i know, and im sick of paying all this money to find out nothing about her, its nice to know at least some moms care to find out what happened to their kids, and care if they got a good home or not anywyas good luck to all no matter how they feel respectivly buddah

Your mom may care about you also and just not know how to reach you yet.? I have always cared about my son but still would not have a clue how to reach him if his adoptive mother had not contacted me recently. I could not imagine any mother not at least caring, even if she isn't able to show it. I hope you find something out about her soon so you can know for sure.

yes, we are still trying to find my brother. he is 31 years old now. it is hard because i sometimes think that maybe he doesnt want to know us. it's hard not to take that personally. i wouldnt have a clue as to how to find him if it werent for this site. i hope and pray that one day he will see my posts and contact us. my mother deeply loves him and regrets every day of her life giving him up. i hope he has had a good life so far. maybe your mother hasnt found a way to find you yet. good luck in your search.

I have to say that I disagree with you sorry, but If my Birthmom had kept me what kind of life would I have had? Would I have been abused, neglected??? At least she realized this and let me have the best life... In a way she knew my life would be better with different parents. I would choose to give a child up if I knew I could not take care of him/her. I think it is so unfair to judge someone who loves us enough to make that sacrifice.

I was born in 1964 in an era where birth control wasnt what it is today. And in an era where abortions were done by back alley butchers. Some women did not have much of a choice and did what they thought was best. As far as safe havens go I would much rather see a child left there than killed after birth or left somewhere else. I am thankful I was born and have no regrets. Please think of the circumstances before you put down women who relinquish thier babies. They dont actually give them up they choose life a life that they cant give them and know they deserve. Thank you for giving me life mom and choosing the best parents for me.

I am not sure anyone is putting their bmom down. I think the point of this thread is to get out the fact that some adoptees have unique feelings about their adoptions and that should be respected. Some are grateful, some are not. my feeling is that I am not grateful I had to be placed for adoption in the first place...nobody, I don't beleive wants to be in the position that they neededto go to another family(albeit a family that loves them) and lose idenity, biological information, ect. On the flip side I totally understand the need for me to be placed and I AM grateful that I was placed andgrew up with the family that I did. But grateful I NEEDED to be adopted...no. Their are some adoptees that were placed in bad situaions and would have been better off if NOT adopted. What nobody needs is telling the person most impacted by their own adoption that their feelings about it are wrong and they should not judge. Some have every reason to judge...it was them that was impactedthe most.

I am an adult adoptee that has not always been grateful...in my day and age nobody checked on the foster home i was in...what was going on...yeh, i got out of their...and nobody really checked to see how i was after i was adopted! I have 3 children now, and believe me i check out every where they are and make sure that they are safe and no one is abusing them, because i check. I am very thankful for my children, i thank God every night that he blessed me with them!

I never thought of adoption as immoral. I believe adopting a child and treating them as a lesser valued family member because of genetics immoral. But some adoptions are a good thing. I don't exactly understand if you are angry, or lonely??? Wow....immoral, huh? Sorry.