me too

Melissa - No, I don't know why you would feel that way when you read my posts. I wish you, or someone, could explain it to me. As I have said, I do not feel that I "attack", unless it is considered "attacking" when I do not agree. I try to word my postings in a calm, matter of fact manner based on my experiences and my feelings as an adult adoptee. I always try to preface my comments with "some" bmothers, "some" adoptees or "some" amothers/aparents. I don't believe that all members of any group think/feel the same and I certainly cannot speak for or against an entire group. I don't recall ever making a direct, negative, personal comment such as "I just flat don't like you" as was directed at me today. I personally don't feel any of us "know each other" so how can we possibly make such personal remarks? You and I have disagreed on topics. While I feel we debated a topic and both have strong feelings about some topics, I don't feel that we have "attacked" each other. I would like to understand how you feel "attacked" by me. There are a couple bmothers that I do feel "target" me and if they are reading this I would like to know SPECIFICALLY what I have said that they feel is an "attack". No, I do not simply "back up debsdone". However, we are both adult adoptees of a similar age that seem to share similar attitudes. I had a more positive experience with my afamily than she has posted having with her afamily. I believe Debi posts in a respectful manner. Like me, I feel that she is targeted by a couple bmothers. Like me, I feel that if she does not agree with what some bmothers say then she is attacked and then critisized for defending herself. Many that would like to post, that also share similar attitudes and beliefs (including some bmoms) have personal messaged me that they are afraid to subject themselves to the type of "attacks" that Debi and I receive and Thank me for having the courage. Perhaps the fact that we both state our honest feelings IN SPITE OF the attacks is a possible explanation why you have singled us out in this thread. Would you propose that we never post on the same thread if we have similar opinions about the topic of the thread? I ask the same question of you. I too feel more attacked by two bmothers than any other - can you give me a reason why you believe I feel this way when I read their posts?

It is interesting that you to feel attacked, but are not being attacked. I know that you or Deb are not out to attack me, I do feel attacked by some of your posts. My theory on that is you both have very strong opinions, as I do. you bring voice to some of my fears...mostly unknown to me. is that not what fears are the unknown? So if my theory is correct perhaps you and maybe Deb feel attacked by others for the same unknown fear being voiced. You are right we dont know each other, no one here does...mmm thats a big fat lie cuz I am friends with an adoptive mother on this board. But most of us do not on a daily basis get involved in each others lives so cannot assume to know the individual behind the words. That is why the posts sometimes get so crazy, we are only intune with our own thoughts and not that of others, it is difficult not to put our own histories into what we read. Anyway I dont intentionally slight or slander, though I am certain that some of the forum may take my words to heart, just as I do with them...we are human after all. Hugs Melissa

Melissa - I feel attacked by others when I am told by some bmothers how and what I should think/feel. Then, if I don't agree with them they attack me and act like they know what I'm thinking and feeling better than I know myself. I know I am not angry about being adopted. I know I do not have negative opinions of bmothers. Yet, they will argue with me "Oh yes you do". How can you say "you to feel attacked, but are not being attacked" after what went on on the "Why are some Birth Mothers always the bad guy no matter what they say" thread today. To me, it was definetely first an attack on debsdone and then an attack on me. No, I did not feel attacked by you but most definetely by others. Can you tell me specifically what I said that was an attack on anyone?

See I have read and reread all the posts there, truly the only thing I saw as an attack was when someone said flat out they dont like you. See an attack is personal. I didnt find anything attacking about that thread...mmm maybe I am having a good day? I believe that both you and Deb were voicing your opinions, yes Deb does come through sounding very angry, but that is okay, you dont read her threads like that...its funny how some of us other mothers do though isnt it? Lemonchutney did get slammed today too, and again I posted to him and hit thread and not reply. I still really think I have something on my theory. I do have some fears that are voiced by Deb. I fear that my son will never want to know me. That is a very live fear for me. I do know that allot of adoptee's are fine with never finding their other family, I think that is what scares us the most. Again you and Deb have the same voice though I rarely hear anger in your posts. I agree that no one should state "this is how you are suppose to feel" and try to direct you, I think though some people get caught up in the quota of adoptee's, birthmothers, and adoptive parents that do have those feelings. I am in so many support groups I do know that adoptee's do not all feel the same. Yes I would probably get angered if someone lumped me into a group I dont belong in too...geeze the do.lol. I truly try not to take it to heart, for I am learning way to much for this to end Hugs Melissa

Melissa - Thanks, you are giving me some good insight. I still however, do not understand what comments I posted that were seen as "attacking" anyone and yet I was told that I "attacked". If, attacks are only personal, I don't believe I was personal to anyone with my postings. Yes, I agree, we all read the posts with our own personal perspectives. I think sometimes we don't really "hear" what's being posted because we're already planning our reply. I am not discounting your theory. I think it does have merit. I can understand the fear of "my son will never want to know me". I think many adoptees have the same fear, that "bparents will never want to know me". Especially adoptees like myself from the 50's. I would like to meet my bmother/bfather/bbrother. I have never had children thus I have never set eyes on a blood relative. However, I would be meeting "a person" or "people" that I have never known and that do not know me - as the person I am today. I don't feel I would be meeting "mommy, daddy or big brother". Hopefully, if a meeting occurs we could have a friendly relationship that might progress to more - just as any new relationship develops. I think this is how a lot of the disagreements between bmothers and adoptees get started. A difference in expectations. I do agree that many bmothers love their lost children but many adoptees do not feel or know that love as a real daily love. My aparents always told me my bmother loved me. They never spoke disrespectfully of my bmother ever. Also have read many postings where this difference in expectations between bmother and adoptee caused a reunion to not go well. Off the topic, but I remembered we did have good, pleasant dialog on your "Mothers Day Card" thread. What did you decide to do about the card? Also, if ever I post something that hurts you, please ask me to clarify. I also do not "intentionally slight or slander".