How do I know?

There is usually a feeling you get that lets you know it is right.

Hi, i saw your post and thought maybe i could give some words of encouragement. I have never been in your shoes because I am on the other end of all of this. We can not have anymore birth children. We were blessed with 1 daughter who is 13 and after her birth I had to have an emergency hysterectomy. Shattering our dreams of a growing family. My advice to you is pray and the Lord will grant you all the strength in your decision to find the Right Parents for your child. I commend you on your ever so tough journey. Try to think of the family you would love to have and go with your gut. We are still searching for the child who belongs with us and it has been a long hard road. We do have very strong family values and lots of love to give. I am sure you will pick the right family. If we can be of any help please contact us. Do you have family's in mind or are you still searching? God bless and good luck I will pray for you. Trina & Tom

I sent you an e-mail. Check your account. Sandra

Hi, I don't know the circumstances over your last placement (open/closed, etc.), but if you have a relationship with the afamily with whom you have already placed, have you considered contacting them? Did you chose them last time? If not, then ignore this post, but if you did, then I hope you felt they were right for you and for you child. If that is the case, it may not make things easier for you to give up your child, but perhaps it will help the healing knowing that the siblings will be together. (Sorry, I read your other posts and am replying to this one with the info I got from the others. ) I truely feel for you and hope everything works out. Please try to seek out some counselling. You really seem to be in a difficult place and while I love what this forum provides, I don't think this forum is the best route for you to deal with what you are going through. Big hug!

Hi, MKathrynW! I have a big (((hug))) for you, and a few suggestions for choosing parents for your precious little one if you ultimately decide you can find no way to parent this baby. I hope the others you meet on these boards are just as loving and not looking to take advantage of your difficult situation at this time. Unfortunately, some of the people you may be contacted by just want you to consider them as parents for your baby. This is strictly forbidden by the rules of this board and each and every person had to agree to abide by these rules to become a member, so please feel free to report any attempt to solicit you to an administrator. This rule applies to Private Message or e-mail contacts as well. To report a post you feel is out of line, just click on the "report this post to a moderator" button. To report any Private Message or e-mail that was unwelcome: Any page you are on has a row of buttons at the top, starting with "Home" and ending with "Chat", click on the "Home" button, go to the very bottom of the page. Just below "Today's Birthdays", there will be a link over on the right that says "Forum Leaders". Click on that link and it will take you to a page that lists all the administrators and moderators that can do something about the person who contacted you with an inappropriate message. You can click on any of these people's user names and contact them to help you. They will either warn the person or ban them outright from further posting, Private Messaging, and e-mailing members. Please do not be shy about doing this, we want to maintain a safe place for people in your situation to vent and ask for support without being harrassed to give their baby to someone. Now for those ideas: #1. Make a list, (on paper, this is important), of what the ideal family would be like. Two other children, no children, cat & dog, no pets, house with fenced in yard, house in the country, frequent in person contact after adoption, letters and pictures only after adoption... you get the idea. The longer the list, by the way, the easier it will be to find a family that you will feel comfortable with. There is nothing like seeing a list of things on paper that make ya'll compatable to provide reassurance you have found the 'right' family., especially if you have seen so many profiles your head is spinning. #2. Make a multiple choice question list up using the above and make yourself a master copy to keep with your answers circled. Then... when you think you may be interested in a couple, let them answer the questions and you will have an idea about how compatable you might be. Here are a few sample questions: We live in: (a) a house in a subdivision (b) a house in a subdivision with a fenced in yard (c) an apartment (d) a house in the country We have the following pets: (a) ___ dogs (b) ___ cats (c) ___ birds (d) __________ After a baby is placed in your home: (a) We would like to maintain in person contact with the birth mother and visit with each other. (b) We would like to maintain contact with the birth mother through pictures and letters sent directly to each other. (c) We would like to maintain contact with the birth mother through the agency or attorney. (d) We would like to have contact with the birth mother only after the child is old enough to request it. While all this will be a lot of work for you, it will clarify exactly what you want for your child and who will best be able to provide it should you decide to choose them. I wish you the peace that the Lord can bring if you request His help in making the difficult decisions that are ahead of you. If I can help in any way, let me know by way of a Private Message. Just remember God loves you and you are not alone.

I actually have a whole section written on this, but not yet published. If you want I can mail it to you. Give me a call. -- Brenda Romanchik, Director Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support 721 Hawthorne Royal Oak, MI 48067 248-543-0997 toll-free expectant parent/birthparent line 877-879-0669 [url]http://www.openadoptioninsight.org[/url]

Choosing a forever family for your child is probably one of the toughest descions you will ever have to make. But, you have plenty of time, so just relax and take it day by day. My first suggestion is to decide what type of adoption you want. Open, closed, semi open, etc.....Then start looking at adoptive parents that are seeking the same types of adoption as well. Ask a bunch of questions, talk to them alot, and pray. You will know in your heart when you have found the right family!! Coley

choosing a family for your baby is the most important thing I've ever done. When I began searching, it was very difficult to be reading those parental profiles that agencies have--they all sounded the same to me--all the families looked the same to me. I personally found a family for my children through friend of cufriend. I felt more comfortable this way because someone I trusted trusted this couple. Also, I had met them previously, in a neutral situation where they didn't know I was looking for parents. It felt more natural to me that way Decide what you want in adoptive parents--is there a specific race or ethnicity you want? Religion? Open or closed? Make these things requirements for the family you choose--your do not need to flex on these ideals at all--right now is the time that the ball is in your court. Good luck!! -Hippiechick.

well i am a birthmother who is about to give birth to a baby boy, he is due on aug. 22nd, i am about 7 and half mos preg., i have already found a family, and i love them to death, i live in Az and they live in Iowa. i was working as a telemarketer and they happend to be on the people on my list to call. the lady on the phone asked me why she should participate in doing my survey and i told her that she would be helping a pregnant 18 year old do her job, and she asked me how far a long i was and so on, (i guess its a female thing) and i told her i was only a month and that i was going to do adoption. thats when she told me her husband and she could not have kids and were looking into adoptiong themselves. i guess you could say its fate, we talk everyday on the phone and they fly down often and came down for the sonogram, after seeing them watch my 16 week old baby with wantfull and caring eyes, i cried for joy because i knew that they were very nice and caring people, i grew up in a big loving family, (i only have one brother who is 6 years old) but i have lots of aunts and uncles and cousins, and growing up with all of them was very good for me, so when i found out that they too have a family like that, it was a good thing, the biggest thing for me is to make sure he will be loved, and by seeing the adoptive parents mixed with their loving family, really meant alot to me. i saw how they are with their family and how their family is to children, and i t couldnt have been more perfect. Maegan

Our pbm asked us this question when we talked with her for the first time. At that time, she was considering us and another couple and she asked how would she know she was choosing the right couple? In fact, her mom also asked us the same question. All I could tell her was that all couples wanting to adopt look and sound great and they are, but that the only way you're going to know for sure that you are making the right choice for yourself is your gut feeling. Go with your gut feeling.