To LDS Aparents

Sorry just one more...I just read the last post before mine and I have to disagree... The ideal is really with the child own biological mother and father...unfortunately, that isn't always an option. To say anything else would be a terrible misjudgement.

The IDEAL place for an LDS child IS with an active LDS family. It would be the same if you were speaking of Jewish, Catholic, or Muslim children. This is an LDS message board so I only speak from an LDS point of view. Also, the best place for a child is NOT always with biological parents. I am adopting my niece and nephew who's parents are alcohol and drug abusers. Are you saying they should still be with their bio parents? Children need to be with parents who love them, care for them, and teach them. That would be wonderful if all bio parents could do that, but they can't. I don't believe biology matters as much.

If you are rejected at your church because you make mistakes, such as getting pregnant, which I believe no child is a mistake, then you are all in the wrong church. How dare anyone, especially authority figures in a church, look down on someone or even think they have the right to tell someone that they can't attend because of their mistakes. It's not their church! It's God's house. And he loves and welcomes everyone. Even unwed mothers. He loved the unlovable. What poor Christian examples they are.

I have never heard of anyone telling someone not to attend our church for pregnancy or otherwise. All are encouraged to come and if someone is insulted, it is only by a very small minded un-christian individual that happens to attend. Would you judge all muslims EVIL for the EVIL actions of a few? .:confused: You are unfair in your uninformed asumptions. Read for yourself the official position of our church..... QUOTE FROM THE LDS FAMILY SERVICES WEBSITE LINK [url]http://www.providentliving.org/ses/adoptivecouples/wecanhelp/0,12469,2191-1,00.html[/url] In a letter dated 15 June 1998, the First Presidency reiterated instruction regarding unwed pregnancy given in earlier letters to bishops and stake presidents. This most recent letter states: Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by parents who provide love, support, and all the blessings of the gospel. ӓEvery effort should be made in helping those who conceive out of wedlock to establish an eternal family relationship. When the probability of a successful marriage is unlikely, unwed parents should be encouraged to place the child for adoption, preferably through LDS [Family] Services (ԓPolicies and Announcements, Ensign, Apr. 1999, 80)

It is not an uninformed assumption. You hear about Mormons being excommunicated all the time.

I'm not arguing at all. Why would someone stating a viewpoint be viewed as being argumentative? I was responding to the people that have said that when they make a mistake they are excommunicated. Maybe you should be asking them why they are discussing negative aspects about the church. I am myself, by the way, a religious person.

"How dare anyone" judge someone according to their mistakes. Even church leaders....of ANY denomination....who are they themselves sinners. "For we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Anyone who claims to be a Christian, again, in any denomination, but yet casts stones on their brethren ARE in fact poor Christian examples. Whether they are parishoners or church leaders. Jesus never did that, nor would He want us acting in that manner. It seems to me to be very odd that single LDS birthmothers are encouraged to give up their children when there are single LDS church members who are seeking adoption. How can that be? I myself am not LDS, but I have dear friends who are. While there are many things that they believe that I do not agree with people should not judge other people period. Not only is it not being a good Christian, it's not even being a good person.

Are LDS Christians? I've read that Mormons follow many of the same teachings and doctrines as Christians do, but the religion involves much more... Do members of LDS consider themselves "Christian"? Again, this is not meant to be offensive or judgemental in any way... I'm not a religious person myself, but I like to read and learn about different religions. Sharon

Hi, Yes members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are Christians. We beleive that Jesus Christ is our saviour and that he died for us on the cross so that we may repent of our sins. The term "Mormons" is just a slang term because in addition to the Bible, we also beleive in the Book of Mormon. Our church is a very family involved church and we beleive that the best environment for children to live in is a good loving home with a father and mother. However, we also realize that this just simply is not always the case. There are many great single moms and dads out there who are LDS who work really hard and have a great and loving home and family. Ideally, we want all children to be raised in a loving home. If someone gets pregnant out of wedlock, it is their decision as to how they would like to raise their child, whether through adoption or raising it themselves or with their family. That is why our church has a Family Services office, to help these women and men make an informed decision. They do not pressure them or tell them to do one thing or another. This is a process of prayer and much thought. There are some members of the church who do make the choice not to follow the guidelines of the church, and when they do it enough, or do something tragic, they will loose their membership. However, that does not mean that they cannot come to church or that we do not still love them. It just means that the decisions that they made had consequences, and if they want to regain their membership, they have to agree to live the principles that guide our church. We all know that we as people are not perfect, and sometimes people do or say things that are not appropriate. I know that sometimes people will think that this is the view of the entire church, when actually it is just that one person's opinion. Our church is really working hard to provide a place for birthparents to come and get quality information so that they may make an informed decision. In years gone by, that may not have been the case, but now they really do want to help people make the decision, whether it is to parent the child or to place them in adoption.:) We are not trying to judge, we are just trying to be supportive. We will leave the judging to Heavenly Father. I hope this helps!:) As Christians and as people of the human race, we need to be supportive of each other. In this day and age, all people need support and comfort and a place to call home. Take Care! Lady bug Lady;)

LBL- thank you for clarifying all those things. It is much more clear to me know. It is refreshing to have a conversation with someone who doesn't automatically jump on your back. I'm not going to post on this site anymore so good luck to you all in all of your adoption endeavors. lizpappas

Liz - I'm sorry if it appeared that I jumped on your back. I guess I was feeling a little defensive when I read your post. I wrote late last night and probably should have gone to bed and gotten some sleep before responding. :) It's hard with email sometimes because it does not come out the way we intended it!!!! I'm glad you feel your questions were answered.......

my computer was down for a while and I noticed that my post went all kinds of directions. Just to clarify about my situation and the church. I believe the in the churchs teachings. I had no one to turn to I always had my Heavenly Father and I still do to this day. My child was born in 1988 so the church has changed a lot in 17 years. Unfortunately "I feel" it's a little to late for the church to make up for what happed to the all the BirthMothers out there before....whenever....1998? I am glad the church is taking action with issues in todays world. I am trying to forgive "the People" of the church. But for me when you combined the carrying a child for 9 months at the age of 16 signing papers, dealing with the emptiness, the not knowing where my child is, not having a choice on the family my daughter would be placed or where, and being looked at and shunned by members and not one person asking me if I was o.k. and yes that does include my active "abusive" stepfather and my mentally unstable mother. I knew I didn't want my child raised in the enviroment that I was living in I wanted her to have everything that I didn't and that I realistically couldn't give....which was a true LDS Family the ones that do follow the teachings of the Church. You may be asking "how do you know that she wasn't placed with a family such as yours??" It's called prayer and faith. I had to "trust" the church and "faith" in my Heavenly Father that she was placed with the loving family that I had always dreamed of since I was a little girl....and I know in my heart she is. I asked the Bishop to excommunicate me shortly after having my little girl .....he told me no

Hi Lorie, Welcome back! Your story is truely sad! I am sorry that you did not have the support that you needed. The church, as well as people in the church, are learning the issues that are involved with teenage pregnancies and adoption and they are making great strides to make it better for those who find themselves in that situation now. It is so great that you have kept your faith and have the kind of relationship that you have with our Heavenly Father. You truely are a daughter of God and he loves you and I am so glad that you can feel his love, because I don't know what I would do if I couldn't feel that same love for me every day. You should consider yourself a pioneer in this area because of the hard road you walked, many young girls have had a much better source for help in the church. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive all the people who may have hurt you, because people are just stupid and say stupid things ALL THE TIME! Sometmes I wonder if they really do have a brain! They just simply do not know what to say, so what usually comes out of their mouth is just plain rubbish! Anyway, it is so good to have you back! I hope that someday you can return to church and feel at home again. Thanks Lorie! LBL:)

Lorie, how are you today? I am so very sorry for the way you were treated. I am especially sorry for your awful home life. I have been shunned and mistreated by members of my ward when I was younger also. I also never heard a kind word...whether at home/school/play/church...whatever. I consider my tormentors in another light now. They had the awesome responsibility of the knowledge of the gospel and still chose to be un-christlike. I feel sorry for them when they meet Him again and have to explain how come they couldn't follow one little commandment, the greatest of all, to love one another. Also we were born into an era of fear and intolerance. Where living in denial was just how people coped. I still bristle at the memories of my husbands home ward *even as an adult*, how I was judged and found lacking. Thankfully, I have moved enough and sampled enough different wards, to realize that the people in the church vary greatly from ward to ward. And in most areas they focus more on developing Christlike attributes and less on what someone would "dare wear to church." I hope that we are the future of the church, I feel a drive to combat the judgemental attitude of the past wherever and whenever I find it in the church. We are not our parents and we can change the old ways. Just remember the more knowledge we have, the more responsibilty we have and the more accountable for our actions. I suppose, I have probably said enough. I usually ramble on and on and on if left unchecked. Especially about a subject that I feel so passionate about. I hope for the best for you in your life.

Thank you both for your insight and encouraging words...it truely means a lot to me......and it's great to be back!:D BirthMom Lorie