open adoption visits

Hi Strep I am not a bm or bgp, I am an amom. I have an open adoption, but there are no overnight visits. Hope this helps. Have a great Day

I have had many overnight visits at my birthdaughters home, but the parents have always been there too. My birthdaughter always asks her aparents if we can sleep in the attic together. We always do and she usually stays up about 3 hours past her bedtime because we are so busy chatting. Although I rarely hang out with my birthdaughter (and her younger sister) when the aparents aren't there, my sister does. My sister is the main babysitter for the family and has stayed at their home over weekends and had the girls at her house for a couple days at a time. My birthdaughter just made the connection that my sister is her "birth-aunt." The main reason that I generally don't spend time without the aparents being there is because I live out of town (3000 miles away) so I generally don't have anyplace to go with them and it would be pretty silly for me to say "I just want to visit my bdaughter. Can you leave?" I have visited alone while the aparents went to a dr. appt or work or something and I've taken the girls on outings a few times.

I'm white, but growing up in Texas, in a working-class Catholic family, meant that I was raised almost exclusively around hispanics, and most of my closest friends to this day are hispanic. I realize they have a different culture; I respect the attitude that many Latinos exhibit toward home and family... they seem to put family and children above all else, to a greater degree than anglos do (I'm generalizing here, I do realize there are exceptions to every rule). I agree that it's important that your daughter be raised bilingual... I think one of the worst parts of being white, to me, is that we don't really have any connection to our past, our culture, or our ancestors. I'm not sure what staying up late has to do with anything... I'm sure that disagreements about appropriate bedtimes are common in families of all races (it's always been a major problem between me and my son, lol!). However, I think you are absolutely right to insist that your child grow up knowing her heritage. People who have a strong sense of identity tend to be more successful in life, from what I've seen... and racial and cultural identity is a big part of who we are, even though some people don't like to admit it. Best of luck to you and your daughter. Sincerely, Sharon

This doesn't concern you? It sounds pretty suspicious to me, and not at all appropriate.

Good Grief, I must be stupid today!!! I responded to this post earlier, but I must have totally overlooked that comment. It would certainly concern ME. Julianna, have you looked into this situation? Where does your daughter say her Uncle tickles her? If she feels uncomfortable with the tickling and complains about it, perhaps you shouldn't allow it to continue. ~Sharon:(

Juliana - I understand that the point you were trying to make is that adopted children can have good relationships with their bio families, and in your case it seems to be working. However, I agree with Sharon and HappyTwinsMom, the tickling does not sound appropriate at all. Your medication comment concerns me also, a 12 year is NOT old enough to decide wether or not she wants to take medication, if it is prescribed she should take it and the supervising adult (the uncle) should see that she does, and tickling in leiu of medicine. As parents our first responsibility is to the safety of our children, their relationship with others in the family (adoptive or bio) is secondary. I hope we are all misintrepreting your post and your daughter is safe and happy. However, I can tell you that at 12, my Mother would never have let me spend the night alone with ANY man (other than my father). michelle