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Yes, abusing drugs while pregnant does constitute child abuse as far as I'm concerned, but the fact is that the birthmother of your child had no intention of being a parent to this child anyway. If she had not made a voluntary plan to relinquish, there is a good chance the child would've been taken involuntarily from her at birth, due to her substance abuse. It seems a waste of time and resources to investigate someone for "child abuse" when there is no child to abuse, only a fetus in her womb who is still, legally and technically, part of her own body. The relevance of criminal background only comes into play once the child is born. If you had known about the substance abuse, then what? Would you have declined to adopt the child? If so, then is it really in the adoption agency's best interest to provide you with this information? They are a business after all, I assume they are out to make money like any other business. I agree that the facts should be disclosed to all parties; knowledge is power, and always preferable to ignorance. But it would be difficult for any agency to demand an investigation of a prospective birthmother's background without frightening her away, and then where would we be? There would be no babies to adopt. The agency and the adoptive parents are realistically in no position to demand anything of the potential birthmother, as "unfair" as this may seem. And truthfully, would it have benefitted your child in any way if this information had been disclosed to you sooner? I realize it would've benefitted YOU, I realize it would've been more fair to YOU, but would it have been any better for your child, if you had known this beforehand? I am not advocating criminal background checks for adoptive parents because I think it is in the BIRTHMOTHER'S best interest to know, but because it is in the child's. The adoptive parents will effect the child's future. The birthmother can only effect the child's past, since she will no longer be part of the child's life after he is born. Would your child, at this moment, be better off somehow if your agency had provided you with a full disclosure of the birthmother's criminal behavior prior to his birth? Again, it isn't about what would benefit the adult members of the triad, but what will ultimately benefit the child. ~Sharon
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I agree that you should have been told about the bmoms drug use as that can really effect the health of the adopted child. It is unfortunate that there are children living with her at this time, I do hope that she can do drug re-hab and be the mother that God intended her to be. My prayers are with you and your adopted child, that the choices made by the birth mother will not effect her in any way. I am very new at trying to express myself to others, it is something that I am getting better at, so please forgive anything that might offend anyone. I tend to call a spade a spade. Yes, I believe that people should be judged by who they are now, and the circumstances that were there at the time of any arrests. I firmly believe that persons that are arrested for willfull abuse of children and or their spouses, should not be a cantidate for adoption, especially if it involves sexual abuse of any kind, no matter how insignificant it may have been at that time. Both sides of coin, a prospective adoptive couple can, as far as I know, do a background check on the bmom. The couple that adopted my son in 1985 did a background check on me, and I was more than willing to help them in any way I could. All they were interested in (BOTTOM LINE) Was a child to raise and love as their own, they were not concerned about sex, race, color or any of those trivial things. They just wanted a child to love. The CHild is the issue here, we can pick each-other apart all day long, but inhouse studies are needed for adoptive parents. No not all bmoms are great people, but no one can gaurantee that you will have a healthy child, regardless of drug use or not. There was information I did not have about medical history in my family, until they had had my son for 2 years. Would that have changed their mind?? I know it would not have. It is a chance that you take any time a life is brought into this world, all we can do is our best to protect and love them. To all of you--both sides, may God bless and guide you in the decisions you make.
I am an adoptive mother of 2 children both of which had drug exposure prior to birth. My daughter age 7 tested positive at birth to opiates and barbituates, she was not removed from birthmom at the time of her birth. The social worker was sympathetic to mom, my daughter was removed at 17 months of age when mom was arrested for dealing Heroin. I obviously did have information from DSS regarding her birth exposure because of the hospital records. I wouldn't have had any accurate information if it had been left up to bmom. It would never have changed my decision to parent my daughter with/without info but it makes a difference in watching out for her best interests. As for adoptive parents having criminal records, any felony conviction would not happen in the state I live in (I don't believe). To be a volunteer in a child's classroom, parents must have a criminal background check and if there is any BLEMISH on it (even if cases are dimissed and/or non violent, ie:driving with a suspended license for non payment of excise tax or previous unpaid parking tickets) you are not allowed to be in the classroom at all.
sharon, my husband does not have a criminal record as such but 13 years ago when he was 19 and in the army oversees, he wrote a bunch of bad checks he paid for them, went to a class for check writing and banking and lost rank. because of this problem he can not pass his DOJ fingerprints. All others came back fine. We are trying to become foster parents, everything is complete, can someone out there please help us with info. If a true criminal can adopt why are we being shafted. we do not have the money to go oversees. we want to foster-adopt a biracial child. please help thanks Sharon Prudente
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Prudente, I wish I had answers for you. Apparently, people with far more serious records than your husband are able to adopt. What I think you need to do is contact the State and see about getting the record expunged. If you post about this problem in the adoptive parents' forum, I'm sure they will have a lot of good advice for you. All I can say is, if and when you decide to adopt a child, I hope you will be honest with the birthmother about this situation. Just explain it to her; if it's not any big deal, I'm sure she'll understand. However, I do believe she has the right to know. Best of luck to you. :) Sincerely, ~Sharon
I have read through this thread and it scares me that you all feel that way about someone who made several mistakes in my past. In college, I was charged with a felony for a HOT CHECK for books. Yes a felony. I had 3 bad checks. One for pizza, one for the cleaners and one for an $587 check for my books because my parents cut me off. I was charged with 2 misdemeanors and the third check was enhanced to a 3rd degree felony. I was given 10 yrs probabtion and could not endure their involvement in my life and stop going to meetings. Yep so guess what after moving away and starting over and living for 8 yrs, it caught up to me, I was speeding because my mother was dying and my nephew was late to school and I got pulled over. Yep and it happened. Arrested. Job lost and now what, YES, they sent me to prison. No, I never had any drug issues, no I never had any issues with paying my fines, I just could understand why I had to answer to someone for this long when I was living my life as a decent productive citizen and got feed up with it. I watched movie stars get away with things much worse than $587. So now I sat in prison for years, but I did not come out bitter. I started my life again. I finished school -- older -- 30's. I started to work. I date and here I am in my early 40's and have been diagnosied with a Fibroid that causes me to have a hysterectomy. Not married, still no kids, and lots of love and ability to care for one -- physicially, mentally, and emotionally. Now because I have this felony on my records, you all feel that I don't deserve to raise a child. I have a degree. I work for one of largest construction companies in the US. I handle millions of dollars and have no desire to make a mess of my life or anyone elses. But you all feel that my mistake is cause enough to believe that I will not raise or properly care for a child who has no one to care for it. WHY? WHY so judgemental? Will I really not be able to adopt a child because of this? Will my life really not know that great blessing of motherhood? This scares me.
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Undoubtedly, this is something whose both aspects are correct in their own places. Everyone deserves a second chance and there's no one who doesn't want to change their past mistakes. But from the emotional and perhaps the psychological point of view, parents with a criminal record trying to adopt may sound formidable but they must be given a second chance under judicial supervision.