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I'm new to this forum, so please forgive if this issue has already been addressed. My husband and I adopted our son 2 years ago and have since sent letters and pictures to his birth mom each Christmas and Mothers Day (via our placing agency - we don't have direct contact and have not met). We have begun the home study process for a second adoption. Recently, for the first time, we heard back from our son's birth mom. It was a wonderful letter and we are thrilled to have it for our son. In the course of the letter, she mentioned that she is pregnant again and has not yet decided whether to parent the baby or to make an adoption plan. We want to let her know that if she chooses adoption, we would be interested in talking with her and/or an attorney about placing with us, but we have the utmost respect for her and her decision-making process and don't want to do or say anything that could be construed as pressuring her or influencing her decision. Also, we have concerns about how adopting a second child with the same birth mother changes the relationship between the adoptive and birth families, the effects on both children, etc. I would be grateful to hear from anyone else who has been in such a situation regarding how to proceed. Thanks!
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I am a birth mother and am currently pregnant (much like your child's birth mother). I have to say that when I told the aparents I was pregnant, but made no mention of adoption plans, the aparents brought the topic up and it made me VERY uncomfortable.
In my opinion (and this is all coming from just my experience here), you should NOT bring the subject up of adoption unless she indicates to you that she wants to discuss it. If she is dropping hints, then it would be okay to ask. But if you just bring it up, that really puts her on the spot. You cannot assume she is choosing adoption and you cannot assume that she would place with you again. If she is wondering if you would adopt again, I am guessing that she would ask.
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I am bmom, but we are all individuals, just like anyone else. I can only speak for myself.
I understand and appreciate that you don't want to pressure her. But I agree with hippiechick. I think if she brings it up, or is hinting around, you should mention that coincidentally you are seeking to adopt again. I remember how nervous I was when choosing my child's parents. If I was in a position to do it again, I would be thrilled to know that my children could be raised together by people I already trust.
I wish you luck.
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