Unless you have walked in my shoes...

Note: This is not directed to anyone here. I just have to write to get this off my chest. Thanks! Carolyn How can you tell me how to grieve and what is correct etiquette and incorrect etiquette on grief and death? Hmmm, who have you lost in your life? Right, NO ONE!!!! Screw you!!! You still have both of your parents, you have never lost a spouse. Yes, maybe an aunt or uncle, friend or grandparent, but you still have your parents, your children still have their father. No, you have no concept of what I have lost and you never will. You don't know what it is like to lose your father, only to come back from the funeral and not even a week later have your husband go in the hospital and never come home again. And while your husband may die one day befoer you (who knows, you may go first), your children are raised, you will never know the fear of raising them alone and trying to figure out how to fix their world, because even though I just lost my father, I was 33, they were just children. You will never know what it is like to have both of your parents gone by the time you are 42. I know that there are those who lost their parents much earlier than me. I don't pretend to know what they are going through. At least my father walked me down the aisle, my mother got to see all her grandbabies. I cannot comprehend their loss, so why do you think you can understand mine and then to tell me I am right or wrong or am doing this incorrectly? Then I love that you have no idea about adoption on top of it all. Oh, you've read this and read that and you know all the answers. I love Diane and she is my first mom, who I love with all my heart, but you don't just go *poof* and magically all the years of history are there and she is your mother. She holds her very special place in my heart and in my life, but mom is my mom, as Diane is her children's mom. While we have a bond, I think we understand that there are differences in the relationship and I think we understand this. (which is really all that matters-what WE understand) I love her, she is one of my moms, they each played special and important roles in my life, but people like you, who are not involved in adoption, say stupid things like, "Well, at least you still have your REAL mom." My mom was my real mom. You just don't get it on any level, do you? So until you have lost all that I have lost, (this doesn't include my miscarriage and my best friend who was murdered by her boyfriend while I was on the phone with her in high school.) don't pretend to have any idea of what I am going through and the audacity to let me know that I should be feeling this way or that. Talk to me when both of your parents and your husband are dead, okay!!!! *Again, this is not to anyone who comes here. The person I am referring to does not even know this site exists, so if you take offense or think I am speaking to you, I am not. I just needed a safe place to vent where I know they will never find it.* Carolyn