letting go

Its been over two months now that I have made a conscious decision to let go. My 'romance' with the most amazing guy I have ever met is still in full flow and for six months now, I have a new life with an ever increasing involvement in each others lives. This has helped enormously for me to focus on the fact that the reunion has been strengthening to me in one way (I have sought professional help and these boards) in that I have faced the worst emotional onslaught that I have ever had to endure (two years worth) and have now had enough. The relief has been enormous. I knew from day 1 that this adult that appeared as a complete stranger was going to cause me grief, but it took two years of my hardest work ever and breaking points like I've never known, to finally let go. Funnily enough, he has not made any effort to get back to me, which brings me to the conclusion that he had opened the door and was not able to shut it. It was me that had to do it for us both. I believe that we have both reached closure and that we both needed to find each other, but then move on. Since I contacted my father for the first time in many years last October, the relationship that we have tried to build up has been tentative. But he made the grave mistake of criticising (badly) the new man in my life and the unkindness, the bludgeoning without any thought whatsoever but to retreat in "horror" that he has been misunderstood and yet still giving himself license to carry on, I recognise in his grandson, my son. They are so alike its unbelievable. But they both cause me considerable pain and I'm coming to the conclusion after an enormously painful 1hrs on Skype with my father, that he and my son are both best left alone. They are individuals that carry on in ignorance in society and expect full understanding from those around them, whilst paying lip service to their 'understanding' of others which is negligible. It is a one way ticket and I'm not about to get beaten up again emotionally by either of them. Time to quit? I think so. In the meantime, I'm kinda scared. The old 'get up and run' before they do it to you has featured twice before and is raising its ugly head again in my relationship with my guy. It has taken all my strength and more and understanding from him. The last time I nearly wrecked things, I had to spell out to him, that I was running scared. I literally used those words. It scares the heck out of me that there is this handsome and beautiful person that seems to want to spend time with me, hours on Skype, many many phone calls, mobile calls, texts, emails (about 700 or more since this January?) and yet I still have large bouts of insecurity. I understand myself more and it IS hard, but I feel I'm getting there. The best thing I did was decide that as much as I'd tried (and boy had I tried), the only option left for me was to quit the guilt trip, find closure and come to the conclusion that I was not going to have the rest of my life ruined by a son that won't take responsibility for himself - goes round blaming everyone except the fact he has an attitude problem and needs to sort himself out, or die in the process. If he doesn't get a grip on his drinking and his temper, I don't see much hope. Tragic. To think I gave birth, gave him life and here he is on self destruct. I had sex with a worthless man over 30 years ago. Do I really have to spend the rest of my life paying for this? No. I have a wonderful man in my life that has changed it about forever. I have a life, and it is full of joy. I will not let anyone, not even my father nor son, carry on bludgeoning me emotionally because thats the take on life that they have chosen. I have a life, its a great one, after 22 years of being alone, I feel loved and cared for. What a great year 2008 has been, I can hardly believe how things have changed.